First off, I'm not entirely sure that "hippos" doesn't have an "e" at the end of the word, but news about a movie with a premise this thin doesn't deserve spell check, or even competent journalism.

In news that the world met with a resigned "Why the fuck not? This might as well happen," Hasbro announced that Hungry Hungry Hippos and Action Man were being adapted, twisted, and just generally warped and mangled in order to become works resembling movies. Producer Mark Emmett conveyed that he would like to spend less than $100 million on the story of four plastic hippos that eat marbles.

That last sentence ought to demonstrate just how far we as a people have backslid. None of us deserve to live. Not even our grandparents. ESPECIALLY not our grandparents. They had every opportunity to stop this from happening.

Though the plot is not divulged (and possibly doesn't exist, nor ever will), I'm hoping for an origin story. WHY are these hippos so hungry? What motivates them? The American dream? Will they get disillusioned? Are there Willy Loman parallels here?

The answer to all those questions and more is: