HOLY SH*T: TV’s ‘Mr. Ed’ Is Gonna Be A Movie

Tuesday, October 4 by Penn Collins

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How crazy would it be if a horse could talk to the guy who owns the horse?

That is the plot 0f 1950′s TV show Mr. Ed, which revolved around a horse owner (Wilbur) and a horse (the titular Mr. Ed). As best I can tell, nothing else interesting happened. The guy kind of lived a boring life, then he would come home and talk to his horse.

If you have no idea or interest in what I’m talking about right now, get ready to have your mind blown all over your face.

Mr. Ed is going to be a feature film.

If you’re like me, your brain is probably hemorrhaging with questions like:

Will the horse be CGI?
If the horse IS CGI, what kind of sunglasses will they have it wear to give it “edge?”
Who will play Wilbur? Will it be Steve Carell or Steve Carell?
Why does God continually shit on film enthusiasts by allowing the people responsible for these remakes to walk unpunished?
How many “PETA” jokes will the horse crack?
Will the horse benignly flirt with a hot girl in the film?
If the horse DOES flirt with a hot girl, will the producers take things a step further by showing the horse f***ing the girl?

Well, these questions will all be answered as time inexorably marches towards the inevitable release date of this film, whenever that may be.

Oh, and because my editor has been wanting me to shoehorn this into a post, here’s a song called “Goodbye Horses” that Buffalo Bill dances to in Silence of the Lambs. I guess it’s not completely irrelevant here.