It's a long weekend for a lot of you (but not for your intrepid reporter here), so you may have been too busy stumbling about in a drunken torpor last night at a Golden Globes party to actually pay attention to the telecast on NBC. If this describes you, don't worry: I've got you covered. Below is a full list of the major winners, in both the TV and movie categories. And I got you an Alka-Seltzer too. Yes, I really am that great.
Best Motion Picture - Drama - The Descendants

Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy - The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama - George Clooney for The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama - Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy - Jean Dujardin for The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy -Miche lle Williams for My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture - Christopher Plummer for Beginners

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture - Octavia Spencer for The Help

Best Director - Motion Picture - Martin Scorsese for Hugo

Best Animated Film - The Adventures of Tintin

Best Television Series - Drama - Homeland

Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy - Modern Family

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Downton Abbey

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama - Kelsey Grammer for Boss

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama - Claire Danes for Homeland

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy - Matt LeBlanc for Episodes

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy - Laura Dern for Enlightened

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Idris Elba for Luther

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Kate Winslet for Mildred Pierce

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Jessica Lange for American Horror Story

Whew, done. Now for some in-depth commentary: Matt LeBlanc!?