“Help Me, Jenny Craig. You’re My Only Hope.”

Monday, January 24 by

Princess Leia is now the spokesperson, along with Valerie Bertinelli, for Jenny Craig. And don’t try to tell me that Carrie Fisher and Princess Leia are not the same thing, because I’ve heard people say that for years, and I simply don’t understand the difference. So save your breath.

Princess Leia is hoping to lose 30 pounds on the Jenny Craig program after an uncomfortable conversation with Jabba the Hut revealed that he was finding himself less and less attracted to her due to her ballooning waistline. Earlier this year, Princess Leia was quoted by PopEater as saying, “I know how to eat alone, but I need help not eating.” The years have been harsh on Princess Leia, who weighed 105 lbs. during the filming of Star Wars, and was tipping the scales at 180 lbs. at her heaviest. Leia has been on the record as saying that even when she checked in at 105 for Star Wars, she was asked to lose ten pounds, which sounds like more dickish of a request than it actually is, considering Leia stands only 5’1″. In unrelated news, Han Solo was recently seen doing jackknife situps after hiking a gorge.

“These aren’t the donuts you’re looking for.”

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