Gunther, Diners, and Pork: The 5 Lamest Television Hangouts

Tuesday, October 11 by

2. Monk’s – Seinfeld

There are approximately 432,430 diners in Manhattan. So why do Jerry, Elaine, and George constantly frequent Monk’s for bad service, unremarkable (from what I can see) food, and a sterile environment where they keep running into people that they hate. I guess they needed some place to hang out in their busy schedules of seeing Friday-night movies and not drinking. Kramer, by far the most interesting one of the bunch, patronized the place far less often than the others, showing that he is the groups de facto arbiter of good taste, or at least interesting taste.

Monk’s was perfect for a group as boring and insipid as the Seinfeld gang. Tuna on toast for everyone!!!

1. Satriale’s (The Pork Store) – The Sopranos

Why the hell would any of these guys hold court in the back of a filthy butcher shop when they had the run of a strip club just down the road? The only discernible reason is that those rotund gentlemen appreciated the kitchen in the back, since if they go without eating for more than 48 minutes, they wither up and die.

Could you imagine how bad the back of a pork store smells? Also, the goodfellas ran a 43% chance of running into Agent Harris every time they stepped to the front of the store. I guess the convenience of geographically proximate pork outweighed the allure of perky, nubile breasts and the frequent opportunities to belittle and assault Georgie, the incompetent bartender.

Further, Satriale’s had a legacy of violence. Christopher made his bones there by executing Emil, the Czech gangster, and the other guys stabbed the hell out of a made man in the back after he didn’t know when to watch his mouth. Tony also dealt his short-lived driver an asskicking.

The only thing that ever happened at the Bing were covert blowjobs. Oh, and Ralphie kicked his mistress to death.

OK. So there’s no clear edge there, but the strip club still prevails.

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