Gunther, Diners, and Pork: The 5 Lamest Television Hangouts

4.The Max – Saved by the Bell

There are so many reasons this place sucked, it’s easier for everyone if I switch to bullet points.

• “Max” was a magician, and not a terribly entertaining one.
• The inside of the place looked like a Trapper Keeper.
• Complete lack of Rod Belding
• Home to so many school events, dance marathons, sock hops, etc, that it might as well have been an extension of Bayside
• Entire menu consisted of cheeseburgers, fries, and shakes.
• Constantly occupied by creepy students just standing around
• It seems like all the people you meet there are either too short, in wheelchairs, pompous eggheads, or Screech.
• Students once placed a duck (Becky) on the table, which is unsanitary. And depressing, considering the duck was later killed in an oil spill, which got us all to think about the environment and stuff.

3. Peach Pit/Peach Pit After Dark– Beverly Hills 90210

Were 1990’s teenagers hanging out in diners THAT much? Did I miss a whole phenomenon? Also, what did Nate ever do to prove he was wiser than Yoda? Because you’re in an apron at a diner doesn’t make you a licensed therapist.

Further, I don’t really understand the synergies that exist by combining a diner with a live-music nightclub, especially in Beverly Hills. I guess that rich marketplace was clamoring for a place to get a malted, then watch a triple bill featuring the Flaming Lips, Jade, and Powerman 5000. Don’t get me wrong, I like both those things, but I don’t really want them combined.

Don’t they know that they’re rich kids and should be reading Bret Easton Ellis novels for inspiration on how to spend their free time rather than living like extras from Happy Days? Do some cocaine, be bisexual, then wrap your dad’s Benz around a telephone pole.