Fox Bites On 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'
By Guest Columnist and Confederate Apologist Archibald McClintock VI
Based on Seth Grahame-Smith's novel of the same name, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has been acquired by Fox. The film will be directed by Timur Bekmambetov, with Tim Burton on board as a producer. Of course these lily-livered Hollywood elitists can not build up the image of a man as loathsome as our 16th chief executive without first tearing down the reputation of Dixie.
"The 'new' history finds Lincoln discovering that Southern plantation owners aren't using slaves for labor, but blood as they are actually evil creatures of the night. This causes Lincoln to become an Abolitionist and the true motives for the Civil War are born."
The brave sons and daughters of the Confederacy will not sit idly by as the South's good name is dragged through the mud. Any historian worth a damn knows that cases of vampirism in the Antebellum South were minimal, and confined to Papists in Louisiana. I intend to write a letter to all parties involved with this drivel right after I finish cooking meth, watching Nascar, and sleeping with my cousin. (HitFix)