• A $100 Visa gift card (which is basically like cash, only less dirty)
• A $30 Fandango gift card (which is also basically like cash you can only use at the Fandango site, so not really like cash at all)

Caption away, sports fans!

Nonetheless, filming resumes in New Zealand, promising to let us know what happens when short people road trip for a completely different reason than they did in Lord of the Rings.

The next Hobbit films, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, hits theaters December 13th of this year, with The Hobbit: Here and Back Again coming to theaters December 17th, 2014.

Doesn’t Jackson know that the whole nation is into movies based on graphic novels now? GOD!

However, it’s not like Seth is going to step down without suggesting a replacement to returning producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron. His suggestion? Joaquin Phoenix.

Although Joaquin Phoenix would be a very bizarre choice out of context, in light of the past two years of hosts, the beardy weirdo would seem like the logical move. Instead of speeches and comedy bits, Phoenix could stare at the crowd and intermittently sip from the water bottle.

Can’t no one get offended by that!

Stay classy, Fat Faces!

The cheap-o version of the not particularly enjoyable movie was posted on Amazon with a few other pilots in the first wave of the company’s experiments with original programming. It was the highest profile pilot released but thanks to an absence of quality and an abundance of negative feedback, the series will not be moving forward. In fact, I hear the cast will never work again. Even the ones who hid their faces behind heavy amounts of zombie makeup.

What’s most impressive is how quickly and well this system worked. You have to hate something sooo hard to make it no longer exist. So good job! Now let’s get to work on making the movie version disappear too. Hate until it hurts! (CHUD)

The Daily Mail has offered that the producers of the franchise, Michael G. Wilson and the disgustingly named Barbara Broccoli, have approached Nolan with an offer to direct the next installment. No (reported) word on what the outcome of the (reported) talks are, but I’m sure we can hear all about it as soon as we get a source on the inside (allegedly).

What do you think? Did they nail it? Nerd fight in the comments below!

It’s like First Blood in space! How come nobody thought to make this sooner?

Your involvement is simple. Just visit the This Is The End Facebook page and give them a LIKE. The more likes that they receive, the more crazy stuff you can see them do. For instance, if the page gets 500K likes, Danny McBride will wax Seth Rogen’s back (trust us, he’s overdue);  650K likes will force Jay Baruchel and Danny McBride to eat the same spaghetti noodle like a couple of lovesick dogs;  and for 800K likes Seth Rogen will paint a (hopefully tasteful) nude portrait of James Franco.

So, get to it. There’s hilarious male nudity out there just waiting for you! And remember to check back here as new videos are unlocked.

Enough is enough. Famous people have two things we normals don’t: money and access.  By turning to crowdfunding, they’ve gamed the system, cashing in on their fame to make any project they want with no risk to their own bankroll, and owing no profits to their “investors” if its a success.

We need to send them a message that this is NOT OK, and with your help we can do just that…

We’ve put together a full-page advertisement telling everyone we “Don’t back Zach.” We’ll need $10,000 to run it in the local film & TV industry magazine, the Hollywood Reporter, and if we hit $200,00 we’ll go national in a magazine like Entertainment Weekly.  And if we get $5,000,000 we’ll carve it into the moon! All funds will be returned if we don’t hit our 10k goal!

It’s reported that Schwarzenegger will play The Exterminator, which is not exactly a complimentary title when applied to someone often mistaken for being German, a former black ops agent who trains the Toxic Avenger to fight polluters. Here are some confusing quotes from people who should know better:

“Moviegoers around the world were thrilled when Arnold Schwarzenegger returned to acting so effortlessly filling the gap that he left behind,” said producer and International Film Trust co-founder Michael Benaroya in a statement.

“Our film is a perfect combination of commercial genre, star power and award winning filmmakers to set it apart from other titles on offer at Cannes this year,” IFT president Ariel Veneziano added.

They do realize that Steve Pink made Hot Tub Time Machine, yes? I recall that film being passed over by the Academy. (Coming Soon)

The production houses Benderspink and Broken Road have teamed up to buy the rights to make a film out of the experiential chain restaurant. Although it’s not explicitly disclosed, I’m surprised that it took two parties to raise the $217 (I assume) to buy the rights to make a movie about a restaurant.

Exciting stuff.

No. No it isn’t.

In which case, not cool Netflix and Ron Howard. We’ll find out for sure on May 26th.

So, we’re left to wait to hear whether or not Fichtner will wear knife shoulder pads or a warthog, rhinoceros, or samurai rabbit costume. Keep in mind, he does have reasonable experience in dressing ridiculously.

What scene? A scene on Klingon with Kirk, John Harrison, and Uhuru. None of that means anything to me, but maybe it will to you. Note the conspicuous absence of Mr. Pegg. COULD THERE BE TROUBLE IN PARADISE BETWEEN THE LONGTIME FRIENDS?

Nah. They seem pretty chill.

The film has already opened in Europe, and hits US theaters next week, so you’ll have to writhe around until then to see what all the fuss is about. You can do it. I know you can.

David O. Russell‘s Spanking The Monkey was a close second choice.

An eyewitness has reported to Hollywood.com that West was filming a scene on a rooftop with Paul Rudd and Christina Applegate. Honestly, that could have been anyone and this should only be considered a rumor. Says the witness, “he required an umbrella for shade most of the time he was on the roof.” Yeah, okay. So I guess Kanye is in this movie now.

Now to what “bastard” am I referring?

Marvel’s Big Hero 6, which comes our way on November 7, 2014. The film follows a scientist and his robot who, along with myriad other colorful crimefighters, will take down the bad guys in a fictional city known as San Fransokyo.

Unsurprisingly, it looks as though Disney is trying to find the natural overlap between its core animation audience and the more kid-friendly Marvel titles. So far, so good.

I never was one to believe that death haunts people like in Final Destination, but in this instance, the inconvenience and frustration of a crumpled front end was an inevitability, and it comes to me later in the day in the form of a revitalized John Gotti biopic directed by Joe “Generic Name” Johnson and starring John Travolta.

You can’t cheat fate. There’s a whole saga behind this thing that you really don’t want to get into, as it involves Lohan, Kardashian, and Joe Pesci coming out of retirement, then suing the producers because he got too fat. Ok. Maybe you do want to revisit it.

It sounds pretty funny.

In comparison to Downey’s deal, the rest of the cast were reportedly paid $200K for their roles in the $1.1 billion blockbuster. Now that Marvel’s looking to execute their sequel options, things are getting interesting. The cast is looking for $5 million upfront and a bigger piece of the back-end while Marvel is allegedly threatening to recast — a tactic they’ve proven works pretty well in the past. The only card the cast has to play is a wild one; Downey himself.

With his contract obligations under his belt, Marvel will have to sweeten the pot if they want their star back for future sequels. But to Marvel’s chagrin, the Avengers are assembling with Downey as the leader. Deadline reports that the actor won’t sign for The Avengers 2 unless his cast mates are fairly compensated. “He’s the only guy with real power in this situation. And balls of steel, too. He’s already sent a message that he’s not going to work for a place where they treat his colleagues like shit,” says a rep who only cares about their percentage.

Personally, I feel like the real talent with Marvel films is behind the camera, and the money should be put on the screen. It doesn’t matter which actor dons the mask. 40% – 60% of these movies are all CGI anyway. As long as Marvel turns out quality films with awesome special effects, the talent will remain irrelevant. The Hulk proved that.

Lest you think the 5.5 million viewers (6.8 million if ya count the second airing, too)is an anomaly, viewership has set records each of the past four weeks, leading me to believe that American audiences actually get off on being confused. Sick bastards.

Maybe the writers will reward this sort of popularity with some action, or, failing that, breasts or dragons.

Which is why he’s back for fifths following the success of Brad Bird‘s Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. As you might remember having a Ghost Protocol is akin to being on Burn Notice, so do with that information what you will.

The film will be written and director by a chap named Christopher McQuarrie, who sounds like a Winnie the Pooh character, but is undoubtedly a fine creative mind.

Empire Magazine sat down with director Shane Black and co-writer Drew Pearce to discuss Iron Man 3 in their latest podcast, which is SPOILER-HEAVY, and some interesting bits came to light. Apparently tired of freaky Wonder Woman sex, Pepper Potts strayed from Tony Stark’s bed and the result was caught on tape. Says Black:

“Pepper, in one draft, slept with [Aldrich] Killian because he was so pheromonially enhanced with this extremis that she couldn’t resist him and she was angry with Tony and so she sleeps with Killian and then he makes a sex tape and broadcasts it in Home Depot.”

That tyrant! Using Home Depot to besmirch Pepper’s reputation would make her look like a total whore in the eyes of migrant workers and women who want new cabinets. Is his evil boundless?

The first round of movies being remade includes The She-Creature, Teenage Caveman, Viking Women And The Sea Serpent, The Undead, and War Of The Colossal Beast. I don’t know any of those films, so I will just nod politely and make reference to the robots on the spoof film show.

Tom SERVO!

Sadly, there will be no robots to mock these films, so we’ll have to pick up some of the slack there.