Emile Hirsch Will Get Fat And Play John Belushi

Tuesday, October 29 by
Belushi may have been a self-destructive trainwreck, but he never would have defiled our nation's pastime by wearing a baseball hat backwards.  

Emile Hirsch is the selection to play John Belushi in the upcoming biopic from Steve Conrad. Fun stuff. Hirsch beat out other shortlisted actors such as Joaquin Phoenix and Workaholics’ Adam Devine.

The film will focus on Belushi during the height of his fame because, duh, that’s the most interesting time of people’s lives. It’s not like we want to see them poor in a barn.

Hirsch will likely have to put on weight for the role, which means he probably gets to eat as many milkshakes as he can, giving everyone the excuse, “I have to. It’s for work,” as everyone else sits in their cubicles, eating last night’s kale salad that they won’t be able to expense for their job as a logistics manager because HR just had that seminar on what are and are not acceptable expenses.

BELUSHI!

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