Yo, dude. You know how there's gonna be mermaids in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides? Yeah, well, don't look over there, but three hot mermaids from that movie are totally checking you out. I said, "don't look." You're gonna blow it.

So, I'm gonna go over to the mermaids and be all like, "Johnny Depp is overexposed these days," "Captain Jack Sparrow is a total gaygo," "god, do we really need another Pirates movie poster" - and then you come in, pretend to punch me in the stomach and bam: you're in with three hot mermaid chicks. Hope you can breath underwater and have sex underwater without suffocating. Oh, and you totally owe me. It's times like these I wish I wasn't married to that brazen wench of mine.

Hey, are we going over there or what? Cause on May 18th those fin-flapping bitches are gonna swim into theaters nationwide and you'll have blown your big chance. Just sayin'. (Empire Online)