Discovery Channel CEO Doesn’t Go Broke Underestimating The Intelligence Of The American Public, Makes $49 Million

Tuesday, April 2 by
Mr. Rockefeller here is too GOOD for tap water. LET'S GET HIM!!!!!!!!!! 

We all assumed it, but now we know that filming rednecks doing stuff is incredibly lucrative. Discovery Communications (Discovery Channel, TLC, Animal Planet, and 25 other channels) CEO David Zaslav while increasing the company’s stock value by over 50%, made $49 million in 2012, which was remarkably slightly down from his 2011 take of $52.4 million in 2011, but up slightly from his 2010 take of $42.6 million.

Fuck me, that kind of money can buy a lot of shows about mustaches and people who systematically kill birds.

Perhaps he will use this crazy influx of cash to smooth out his jaw-dimples, or maybe he’ll just make some more shows. May I suggest:

  • Oatmeal Bandits (exactly what it sounds like)
  • FoxPunchers USA (ditto)
  • Car Crushers (show about people who get paid to damage used cars with bats for some reason)
  • Seven Dicks (show about 5 men and 2 women, all named Dick, who live in a trailer park outside of Gainesville)
  • Clown College Dropouts (a show that follows five people who failed out of clown college as they get a second chance at a career, working as executives in the Department of Homeland Security)
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