Creepier Movie Bunny: Frank Or The Rabbit Of Caerbannog

Friday, April 22 by

We don’t always agree on the happenings in the entertainment community, and we like to make our beefs public. Both Donnie Darko and Monty Python and the Holy Grail feature creepy rabbits, but which ball of fur are we least likely to invite to Easter brunch? Fight!

Frank

This isn’t even close. I’ll start off by admitting that the bunny from Holy Grail is probably deadlier than Frank. But Frank doesn’t need to be deadly. He lives in the god damn netherworld where time and space collide. Death has no meaning there! He knows the future, he knows the past, and he knows you’re f*cked, so goes out of his way to taunt you. How creepy is that?

In Holy Grail, the rabbit lives in the Cave of Caerbannog. As long as you stay away from it, it will stay away from you. It’s like a bear or a shark. You have to go out of your way to find it and piss it off. But unlike the bunny in Holy Grail, Frank makes house calls. Not only does he visit you at home, totally uninvited, but he does so via your dreams. He’s like a furry Freddie Cougar.

Last but not least, look at the bunny from Holy Grail. It looks cute. Now look at the god damn monster known as Frank. He’s horrifying! His eyes look straight through your soul, and his grin is demonic. My god, imagine having that thing visit you at night. You’d probably piss yourself. And what’s with Frank’s awful voice? At least the bunny from Holy Grail only squeaks like a normal rabbit. Frank sounds like Satan taking a shit!

Is the rabbit from Holy Grail deadly? Yes. Would I want to go anywhere near it? No. But does the thought of it haunt my dreams. No! Frank, on the other hand, is creepier than Larry King having sex.

The Rabbit of Caerbannog

The bunny that resides inside the Cave of Caerbannog is one of the most ferocious and terrifying creatures known to man. In the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table are led to the cave by Tim the Enchanter. It’s there that they must face the beast with a “a vicious streak a mile wide,” as Tim puts it.  But it looks like a cuddly, harmless rabbit, you might say. EXACTLY. It’s innocuous appearance and demeanor is precisely what makes it so terrifying. The only telltale sign are the skeletal remains strewn about the entrance of its den.

King Arthur doesn’t heed Tim’s warning and sends the confident Bors in to eliminate the “threat.” THEN DECAPITATED! It happens that quickly. The Rabbit soars through the air and chomps off Bors’s head with the greatest of ease. Sir Robin pisses his pants (again) at the atrocity. And holy crap, does the rabbit FLY? I’ve heard of lengthy leaps and bounds on a rabbit’s part, but the damn thing shoots like a rocket to Bors’s jugular. So it’s a killer rabbit that can fly. I wouldn’t fuck with that.

Then again, I’m not a Knight of the Round Table. So the rest of the knights charge, thinking at least one of them should be able to bring down the bunny. The beast shoots from man to man, biting off heads like the ends of Snickers bars. There is no other choice but to retreat, or as King Arthur so eloquently shouts it, “Run away! Run away!”

It’s the rabbit that could not be defeated by some of the bravest, toughest, sword-wielding men in history. Its innocent guise draws its prey in, and that adorable twitching nose is the last thing they see. I fear this rabbit because it could be any rabbit. Once it leaves its cave of bones, there is no way of telling it from an ordinary, non-homicidal bunny. Your rabbit is a man dressed in a costume with a demented metallic mask. I’d know from across a football field to turn around and walk way. My rabbit could be hopping up to you right…now…

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