BREAKING: There’s Nothing To Talk About Today But ‘Duck Dynasty’, So We’re Not Going To Talk About Anything

Thursday, December 26 by
What's the opposite of a 'Duck Dynasty' "controversy?" Jennifer Lawrence taking her shirt off.  

It would seem, even after spending a day off of work, and (for some) spending time with their families for Christmas, some people still want to talk about Duck Dynasty.

We are not such people. So rather than flog the dead horse and report what Joe the Shit Rag and Gretel Von Windowlicker think about a redneck being a redneck, we’re going to spend some more time with our families. Well, our families left, but this bottle of bourbon laughs at all our jokes and didn’t overcook the damn turkey on Christmas even though we said that someone should check on it like forty times, but no one did because the bottle of booze had money riding on the Hawaii Bowl.

Ugh. Whatever. It’s a magical time of year, and a big part of that magic isn’t reporting on or reading about stupid shit. So go THROW a snowball at an authority figure, then nap until it’s time to eat again.

Diet starts tomorrow, fatty.

Do you like this story?

More about...