How many people watched the "big game" as we're supposed to call it to protect the NFL's precious, precious intellectual property? More than any other Super Bowl ever. 111.5 million people were slowly bored to tears by Peyton Manning's ability to get a first down.

Is this amazing news? Not really. The Super Bowl viewership record has been broken four times in five years, in part due to the increasing popularity of the game, but also due to longer life expectancies that result in an increased population. I credit that raging success that is Obamacare for that last one.

2.3 million watched the game online, which makes me wonder why Fox didn't put its other playoff games online, instead making me go to Jerry's house to watch the damn thing. Jerry's house smells like cats.