There’s been rampant speculation this week that comedian/weird dude Andy Kaufman actually faked his death back in 1984 and has been living happily in seclusion like Edward Scissorhands. These rumors have been fueled by events which happened this past Monday at the Andy Kaufman Awards. Kaufman’s brother Michael brought forth evidence of Andy’s survival in the form of his 24-year old daughter who doesn’t even have a unibrow or anything.
The Comic’s Comic can elaborate:
Michael Kaufman told the audience that while cleaning out Andy’s things after his death in 1984, he found among his many writings an essay about how Andy planned to fake his own death, his literal, figurative and spiritual leaps through meditation, and how he’d eventually reappear on Christmas Eve on 1999 at a particular restaurant that had served him a favored dish years earlier. When that date arrived, Michael said he ventured to the restaurant, asked for a table under one of Andy’s pseudonyms, and waited. He didn’t meet Andy that night, but said someone handed him an envelope, and in that envelope was a letter addressed to Michael from his brother. The letter purported that Andy wanted to go into hiding and live a normal life, that he’d met and fallen in love with a woman and had a daughter, and that he didn’t want Michael or anyone to say anything while their own father was still alive. Andy’s and Michael’s father died this summer. Michael said a young woman called him a month afterward to say that Andy indeed was alive, that he was watching the Andy Kaufman Awards from afar and loving the fact that so many comedians had been inspired by him. When Michael asked the Gotham audience if that young woman had showed up Monday night, a 24-year-old eventually stood up from the back of the room and sheepishly made her way onstage.
Michael asked the audience if they believed her, or him, and said he didn’t know what to make of it all himself.
If you’re standing while reading these, I urge you to now sit down. If you were born without knees, I’m horribly sorry if I offended you with my request that you sit. The Smoking Gun has revealed this is all a hoax and that Andy’s “daughter” is actually an actress hired by Michael Kaufman. Alas, for another day, Andy Kaufman remains out there waiting. Some say that if you listen real hard, you can hear his bongos in the night air.