Oscars Ban Sacha Baron Cohen Because They Hate Fun

Wednesday, February 22 by
 

It sounds like an Onion headline, but I’m not clever enough to write for them, so that means it’s just a sad, true story. Deadline is exclusively reporting that the Academy of Motion Picture Blah Blah Blah has pulled Sacha Baron Cohen‘s Oscar tickets unless he can assure them that “nothing is going to happen on the red carpet.” Yeah. Like anything of note has ever happened on the red carpet. It’s the most boring parade of self-congratulation that exists in the world. God forbid Sacha Baron Cohen mess that up.

It’s been rumored that Cohen was going to appear at the Oscars in full Dictator garb to promote his upcoming movie. Or just to be funny. Well, the Academy is having none of it. This ceremony, which lost its first director and host because someone called someone else a fag, will not suffer any indignities.

This night will not be mired in Muppets, humor, or irreverence. If the audience wants to have fun, they can clap for pictures of dead people, like they always do.

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