Caution: This will legitimately rape your childhood so hard your body will shut it down. 

With relatively little fanfare, A Christmas Story has spawned a sequel, with Ralphie this time eying a car instead or an air rifle, which has the elements of a disturbing trend of materialism by the little imp.

Daniel Stern will be playing the "Old Man," which is apt only because Stern is incredibly old. Further, every cast member looks as though they're in a mugging contest, which may win over little kids (because they're dumb little kids), but won't resonate with all of us whose senses of humor and whimsy were depleted following Operation Desert Shield and Whitewatergate.

The production design also seems to go a long way towards recreating the halcyon look of the original, which, with today's technologies, just looks weird and unnatural.

Just like the existence of this sequel.