How do you make one of the year’s greatest films even better? Simple! Remove any words that might offend fat middle-age housewives. At least that’s what Harvey Weinstein has in mind. The producer hopes to release an edited version of The King’s Speech in order to secure a PG-13 rating and (hopefully) a larger showing at the box office. Personally, I don’t hear a lot of kids between the ages of 13 and 16 clamoring to see films about early 20th Century British royalty, so I don’t really understand why it needs a PG-13 rating. Then again, I sleep on an old air mattress, and Harvey sleeps on a bed made of gold bricks and delicious lox, so I’m assuming he knows a little more than I do when it comes to making a profitable movie.
It’s easy to see why people (specifically, Tom Hooper, the film’s director) are worried about this move. Anyone who’s ever seen a film dubbed for television knows what this type of editing can do, and it’s not pretty. Case in point, the following nine examples!
Ghostbusters is a great film, but we can’t have it ruined by such foul language. What’s a good word to replace “dickless?” I know: “Wally Wick!” It’s perfect! In the immortal words of Tim and Eric, “Great Job.”
If someone is willing to sit through Scarface, a movie about a psychotic Cuban gangster, why in hell would they give a flying f*ck about hearing the word “f*ck.” They probably don’t. But the sponsors do, which is the same reason I just used a “*” instead of typing out the whole word.
The Usual Suspects
“Give me the keys, you dirty c*ck sucker” vs. “Give me the keys, you fairy godmother.” Personally, I find the second phrase more offensive. At least “c*ck sucker” doesn’t imply I’m female. “Fairy godmother” does. I’m all man, god damn it!
This is another film that I simply can’t believe they bothered to dub. The whole movie is curse words and violence. Seeing the dubbed version is like watching the no-sex porn parodies, except a lot less funny.
Snakes on a Plane
This dub job is a joke, but then again, this whole movie was a joke, so I really don’t see the harm.
Die Hard 2
The “yippie kai yay” part sounds familiar, but who the hell is Mr. Falcon? If they’d been committed to the dub, they would have at least dubbed “Falcon” over the bad guy’s name earlier in the film.
I’m not sure what’s more annoying: the dub job, or the forced Irish accents. Just kidding! It’s obviously the Irish accents.
The Big Lewbowski
This is one example where watching the dubbed version might actually be funnier than the original. And if kids happen to be watching, they’ll learn a valuable lesson about not finding a stranger in the Alps.