In an effort to capitalize on Valentine's Day and tingly lady parts everywhere, Time Warner has announced they will provide Ryan Gosling On-Demand for the entire month of February.

"Gee, thanks." - African Americans.

Gosling's most romantic movies will be available for viewing for the entire month. Which means any fans looking to curl up with their Valentine or single girls who wanna get some practice in, can have The Notebook, Lars and the Real Girl, Drive, The Ides of March, Crazy Stupid Love, Remember the Titans, Murder By Numbers, and Fracture.

That's all well and good for people not irritated by goofy, bizarrely overdone fake Brooklyn accents, but what does it leave for the rest of us? Here's a rundown of the On-Demand channels we want to see in 2012.

Tim & Eric

We need a channel dedicated to the ludicrous insanity of Tim Heidecker & Eric  Wareheim at all times of the day. Sure, their Billion Dollar Movie is available On-Demand right now, but we want every episode. Spaghett. Poop-Tube. Oh my God. Spaghett using the Poop-Tube (in HD). A channel of only Tim & Eric would be much appreciated and more calming than watching fish in aquariums.

Emma Watson

This one probably wouldn't be considered the most legal of channels, but you can't argue that it would be wonderful. I'm imagining it done in the style of The Truman Show. We watch Emma Watson go through her daily life. Driving a car, doing dishes, running in slow motion with the wind softly blowing her hair just off her shoulder, noticing a camera lens in her bedroom smoke detector... It could really add some drama during Sweeps Week.

Cars Eating Other Cars

Everyone knows that monsters and dinosaurs don't actually exist, so hoping to have a full-time channel devoted to them is pretty much a foolish pipe dream. However, we can so totally have a channel devoted to robotic monsters that lift cars in their iron jaws and crunch them to pieces. We have that technology now! Why it isn't being used to fight terror, is beyond me.

The King Curtis/Honey Boo-Boo Child Channel

Where you see porcine problem children heralding the further demise of American culture, I see entertainment. Camera crews could follow them around as they rule their respective roosts and throw their celebrity status around at school. If that goes well, they could break into primetime with a special where they meet face to face. In the UFC Octagon, of course.

Foreign Commercials

Advertising overseas is way better than it is here. They don't half-ass it and nudity laws are far more lax. In Europe, they advertise cars with huge naked breasts. Here we advertise cars with Star Wars references. FML.

Anthony Bourdain

All we want and all we've ever wanted was a no bullshit chef on television who liked to party, eat awesome food, drink hard, and hang out with hot chicks. We almost had that with Jack Tripper, but he acted like a total pussy whenever the Ropers would stop by.

Adam Sandler Pre-2005

It's sad to think that there is an entire generation who can't liken the experience of going to see an Adam Sandler movie with having a good time. How can one man go from being so awesome to being completely bromidic and unwatchable? He's like the Weezer of actors.

Ow! My Balls

Face it. We're headed that way anyhow. I'd definitely tune in if it starred Russell Brand.

Puppy Bowl 24/7

Animal Planet needs to wise up and give viewers what they want -- an entire channel dedicated to The Puppy Bowl. Why can we only have this once a year? It's not a tough sell like McRib. You don't need to use marketing tricks to coax viewer desire. You just need puppies, squeak toys, and pee absorbent turf. The ratings would far surpass the production fees.

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