9 On-Demand Channels We’d Like To See Instead Of Ryan Gosling

Monday, February 6 by
We'd rather read. 

In an effort to capitalize on Valentine’s Day and tingly lady parts everywhere, Time Warner has announced they will provide Ryan Gosling On-Demand for the entire month of February.

“Gee, thanks.” – African Americans.

Gosling’s most romantic movies will be available for viewing for the entire month. Which means any fans looking to curl up with their Valentine or single girls who wanna get some practice in, can have The Notebook, Lars and the Real Girl, Drive, The Ides of March, Crazy Stupid Love, Remember the Titans, Murder By Numbers, and Fracture.

That’s all well and good for people not irritated by goofy, bizarrely overdone fake Brooklyn accents, but what does it leave for the rest of us? Here’s a rundown of the On-Demand channels we want to see in 2012.

Tim & Eric

We need a channel dedicated to the ludicrous insanity of Tim Heidecker & Eric  Wareheim at all times of the day. Sure, their Billion Dollar Movie is available On-Demand right now, but we want every episode. Spaghett. Poop-Tube. Oh my God. Spaghett using the Poop-Tube (in HD). A channel of only Tim & Eric would be much appreciated and more calming than watching fish in aquariums.

Emma Watson

This one probably wouldn’t be considered the most legal of channels, but you can’t argue that it would be wonderful. I’m imagining it done in the style of The Truman Show. We watch Emma Watson go through her daily life. Driving a car, doing dishes, running in slow motion with the wind softly blowing her hair just off her shoulder, noticing a camera lens in her bedroom smoke detector… It could really add some drama during Sweeps Week.

Cars Eating Other Cars

Everyone knows that monsters and dinosaurs don’t actually exist, so hoping to have a full-time channel devoted to them is pretty much a foolish pipe dream. However, we can so totally have a channel devoted to robotic monsters that lift cars in their iron jaws and crunch them to pieces. We have that technology now! Why it isn’t being used to fight terror, is beyond me.

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