In the new Darren Aronofsky film, Black Swan, Natalie Portman (click her to see her ass) and Mila Kunis share some explicit sex scenes. Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my time on this Earth, it’s that the only thing better than touching a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman touching a beautiful woman. You read me? I’m talking about girl-on-girl action, my friend, or as the Germans say, Lesbenporno! Luckily, we live in the Internet Age, and the Internet was practically built for girl-on-girl vids. But even with the abundance of lesbian porn at our fingertips, there’s still something to be said for its less explicit mainstream counterpart. After all, while watching two drugged-out teens lick their way to the bottom of the porn industry is fun, watching two “legitimate” actresses getting it on for art’s sake has its own perverse charm. With that, I give you nine ridiculously hot girl-on-girl scenes from mainstream movies.
Editors Note: Please keep in mind we selected films that have more than just some wimpy make out scene. With the possible exception of number seven, these films all have at least a breast grope or better. Sorry to Jennifer’s Body, Cruel Intentions, etc.
9. Rebecca Romijn and Rie Rasmussen – Femme Fatale (2002)
Rebecca Romijn plus girl-on-girl equals awesome! Just ask director Brian De Palma. He filmed this scene as an apology for anyone who sat through Mission to Mars. Well, I forgive you, Brian. But I don’t forget.
8. Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried – Chloe (2009)
Julianne Moore is almost 50-years old, yet she still manages to pull off a sexy persona. What’s her secret? Well, she eats right, exercises and takes care of her appearance. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that she’s also been known to lez out on film with hot blond girls like Amanda Seyfried, who are less than half her age. That might be part of her charm, as well.
7. Kristin Adams and Alison Lohman – Where the Truth Lies (2005)
While this scene isn’t the most explicit of the bunch, one of the girls involved is dressed up like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, so that gives it extra points in my book. Plus, Keven Bacon is in it, and it’s not his only appearance on this list. Any man who appears multiple times on a girl-on-girl list deserves our respect.
6. Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell – Gia (1998)
I’ve never been big fan of Angelina Jolie. It’s not that she’s not hot. Clearly, she is. But why is she so popular, as opposed to any other hot actress? Oh right, the whole large-breasted bi-sexual thing. I forgot. Well if that’s what floats your boat, check out Gia, an HBO movie about some stupid model from the 80’s who gets it on with her female makeup artist. (Boner Spoiler Alert) I recommend you turn if off before she dies of AIDS, unless that floats your boat as well, in which case you are one sick puppy.
5. Joan Chen and Anne Heche – Wildside (1995) *Unrated Version
You have to hand it to HBO for not shying away from girl-on-girl scenes in their films. At least that would be the case if the network hadn’t backpedaled and removed said scenes after the initial airing of the film. But if you do manage to get your hands on the unrated version, you’re in for a treat in the form of pre-Ellen Anne Heche.
4. Piper Perabo and Jessica Paré – Lost and Delirious (2001)
If a film is about coming of age at an all-girls school, it better have some hot girl-on-girl scenes. Luckily, the producers of Lost and Delirious knew this. If you like young girls in skirts and knee socks getting it on, this is the film for you. If you don’t, maybe you should look into becoming a Catholic priest, you creep.
3. Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon – Bound (1996) *Unrated Version
Bound tells the story of a gangster’s girlfriend who strikes up an affair with a female ex-con. The two then decide to steal $2 million from the mob. That sounds ok, but the real reason to watch this film is the gratuitous lesbian sex. Also, it was directed by the Wachowski brothers. Brother Larry even took the whole girl-on-girl thing to the extreme, and is now living as a woman named Lana Wachowski. As sexy as that sounds (cough, cough), I’ll stick with Jennifer Tilly.
2. Naomi Watts and Laura Harring – Muholland Drive (2001)
A lot of people complain about Muhollan Drive‘s lack of narrative structure. Those people are assholes. It make perfect sense. First, Naomi Watts and Laura Harring start talking. Then, they start kissing. Finally, they start groping. What’s so hard to understand? David Lynch is a genius.
1. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell – Wild Things (1998) *Unrated Version
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why in the hell do I know who Denise Richards is?” Wild Things is the answer. While she’s not exactly the most talented actress in the world, she did get topless with Neve Campbell in a swimming pool. That won’t win you any Oscars, but it will get you a meeting with any casting director you choose until you turn 40, at which time the deal expires. That means she only has one year left. See, Denise: it’s not complicated after all.
Honorable Mention: Mia Kirshner and Beverly Polcyn - Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
This scene doesn’t have the explicit groping of the others on this list, but it does have a woman in her 70’s. That’s got to count for something, even if it’s disgusting. Eat your heart out, Megan Fox. And as long as we’re eating things out…eh, never mind.
Special thanks to Jon Mitchel