When it comes to Hollywood, women are at an extreme disadvantage. Where as men can rely almost solely on their talent (Steve Buscemi rules!), a hot body is basically a prerequisite for landing a female role. And if an actress is lucky enough to break through, there’s a whole chorus of naysayers waiting to accuse her of being nothing more than an untalented pair of tits. While I totally recognize that it’s a twisted, hypocritical process, who am I to buck the trend?
The following is a list of nine actresses who really do get by on their looks. Granted, if I could get by on my looks, I totally would, so it’s not as if I blame them. Also, in all fairness, some of these actresses are probably the victim of typecasting. Of course, being typecast as “the hot chick” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly doesn’t allow them to show of their range (if they have any). That being said, here are nine actresses who get by on their looks.
At the end of the day, Heather Graham hasn’t been in a lot that’s worth watching (her uncredited role as a sex shop clerk in The Oh in Ohio not withstanding). Even when she manages to pop up in a decent film, Graham always seems to be cast in the same role. In Boogie Nights she played a porn star, in Bowfinger she played a “casting couch” actress, and in The Hangover she played a stripper/whore. Have you spotted the trend, or are you too busy staring at the picture of her rack?
Exceptions: Boogie Nights, The Hangover
Jessica Alba’s IMDB page is a vast wasteland of forgettable movies, although in all fairness, The Fantastic 4 is a film you only wish you could forget. Yet despite her total lack of accomplishments, Alba is a household name. Why is that? Oh right; her perfect ass. She should get the lifetime achievement Oscar for that dumper.
Exceptions: Sin City, Machete
Quick, what’s your favorite Rebecca Romijn movie? The easy answer is any of the X-Men films. It’s also a lame answer, since you probably can’t even remember if she had a speaking role. Besides, she played the part of a shape shifting mutant, so half the time her character is CGI. And considering Romijn’s body is unbelievably hot, casting her as a solid-blue shape-shifter seems like a real waste. I wonder how Bryan Singer missed that. Oh, wait, never mind.
Exception: Femme Fatale, Dirty Work
The fact that Jennifer Lopez was in Gigli should be enough to land her on this list. Then again, no one uses that film to define Ben Afflek’s career, so I don’t want to create a double standard. Besides, I don’t need to. Since Gigli, Affleck has made Gone Baby Gone and The Town, where as Lopez has made Shall We Dance and Monster-in-Law. You do the math. Unless you’re Selena’s mom, J-Lo’s best days were on “In Living Color.”
Exception: The Cell, (Edit: Out of Sight)
When it comes to women who get by on their looks, you can’t leave out Sharon Stone. Her success in Hollywood can be traced back to a single scene from Basic Instinct in which she spread her legs and flashed her vagina to the camera. That’s something you still don’t see in mainstream movies, and this took place almost 20-years ago. Unfortunately for Stone, it’s also been about that long since she’s had a hit, but luckily for her, she ‘s still able to milk her vagina for all its worth. Wow, that sounded gross.
One of Megan’s first roles was in Bad Boys II. She had an uncredited part as “Stars-and-Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall.” That was in 2003, and not much has changed since then. Outside of the Transformers movies, which are widely considered horse shit, her only other notable films were Jonah Hex, where she played a whore, and Jennifer’s Body, where she played whorish vampire. That’s a lot of whoring.
Exception: Maybe Jennifer’s Body? Maybe.
Denise Richards: It’s Complicated
Screen Junkies: No It’s Not
It’s pretty straight forward. If you’re young and hot, getting in a pool topless and making out with Neve Campbell will take you a long way, even if you’re untalented. Growing old and popping out kids will not.
Exception: Kambakkht Ishq (No, seriously, check this out? WTF?)
Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson
In my opinion, these “actresses” are too obvious to put on the list. Unfortunately, they’ve both been around long enough to warrant recognition. But rather than waste two spots, I’ve combined them both into one. Besides, they are basically the same person. They both came to prominence on “Baywatch,” they both can’t act, but they both have big fake cans, so no one cares. I guess the one difference is that Anderson has Hep C. But given Carmen’s reputation, I wouldn’t rule it out.
Maybe she doesn’t fit the same mold as the other ladies on this list. Regardless, her looks definitely landed her the role in Precious, and that’s pretty much all she’s done thus far, so she qualifies.