9 Actresses Who Get By On Their Looks

Thursday, October 21 by

When it comes to Hollywood, women are at an extreme disadvantage. Where as men can rely almost solely on their talent (Steve Buscemi rules!), a hot body is basically a prerequisite for landing a female role. And if an actress is lucky enough to break through, there’s a whole chorus of naysayers waiting to accuse her of being nothing more than an untalented pair of tits. While I totally recognize that it’s a twisted, hypocritical process, who am I to buck the trend?

The following is a list of nine actresses who really do get by on their looks. Granted, if I could get by on my looks, I totally would, so it’s not as if I blame them. Also, in all fairness, some of these actresses are probably the victim of typecasting. Of course, being typecast as “the hot chick” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly doesn’t allow them to show of their range (if they have any). That being said, here are nine actresses who get by on their looks.

(Please note that I did not include reality stars like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian on this list because they are too damn obvious, and they aren’t really actresses.)

Heather Graham

At the end of the day, Heather Graham hasn’t been in a lot that’s worth watching (her uncredited role as a sex shop clerk in The Oh in Ohio not withstanding). Even when she manages to pop up in a decent film, Graham always seems to be cast in the same role. In Boogie Nights she played a porn star, in Bowfinger she played a “casting couch” actress, and in The Hangover she played a stripper/whore. Have you spotted the trend, or are you too busy staring at the picture of her rack?

Exceptions: Boogie Nights, The Hangover

Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba’s IMDB page is a vast wasteland of forgettable movies, although in all fairness, The Fantastic 4 is a film you only wish you could forget. Yet despite her total lack of accomplishments, Alba is a household name. Why is that? Oh right; her perfect ass. She should get the lifetime achievement Oscar for that dumper.

Exceptions: Sin City, Machete

Rebecca Romijn

Quick, what’s your favorite Rebecca Romijn movie? The easy answer is any of the X-Men films. It’s also a lame answer, since you probably can’t even remember if she had a speaking role. Besides, she played the part of a shape shifting mutant, so half the time her character is CGI. And considering Romijn’s body is unbelievably hot, casting her as a solid-blue shape-shifter seems like a real waste. I wonder how Bryan Singer missed that. Oh, wait, never mind.

Exception: Femme Fatale, Dirty Work

Jennifer Lopez

The fact that Jennifer Lopez was in Gigli should be enough to land her on this list. Then again, no one uses that film to define Ben Afflek’s career, so I don’t want to create a double standard. Besides, I don’t need to. Since Gigli, Affleck has made Gone Baby Gone and The Town, where as Lopez has made Shall We Dance and Monster-in-Law. You do the math. Unless you’re Selena’s mom, J-Lo’s best days were on “In Living Color.”

Exception: The Cell, (Edit: Out of Sight)

Sharon Stone

When it comes to women who get by on their looks, you can’t leave out Sharon Stone. Her success in Hollywood can be traced back to a single scene from Basic Instinct in which she spread her legs and flashed her vagina to the camera. That’s something you still don’t see in mainstream movies, and this took place almost 20-years ago. Unfortunately for Stone, it’s also been about that long since she’s had a hit, but luckily for her, she ‘s still able to milk her vagina for all its worth. Wow, that sounded gross.

Exception: Casino

Megan Fox

One of Megan’s first roles was in Bad Boys II. She had an uncredited part as “Stars-and-Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall.” That was in 2003, and not much has changed since then. Outside of the Transformers movies, which are widely considered horse shit, her only other notable films were Jonah Hex, where she played a whore, and Jennifer’s Body, where she played whorish vampire. That’s a lot of whoring.

Exception: Maybe Jennifer’s Body? Maybe.

Denise Richards

Denise Richards: It’s Complicated
Screen Junkies: No It’s Not

It’s pretty straight forward. If you’re young and hot, getting in a pool topless and making out with Neve Campbell will take you a long way, even if you’re untalented. Growing old and popping out kids will not.

Exception: Kambakkht Ishq (No, seriously, check this out? WTF?)

Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson

In my opinion, these “actresses” are too obvious to put on the list. Unfortunately, they’ve both been around long enough to warrant recognition. But rather than waste two spots, I’ve combined them both into one. Besides, they are basically the same person. They both came to prominence on “Baywatch,” they both can’t act, but they both have big fake cans, so no one cares. I guess the one difference is that Anderson has Hep C. But given Carmen’s reputation, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Exceptions: None

Gabourey Sidibe

Maybe she doesn’t fit the same mold as the other ladies on this list. Regardless, her looks definitely landed her the role in Precious, and that’s pretty much all she’s done thus far, so she qualifies.

COMMENTS

  1. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    mike

    errr … you’re wrong about Gabby Sidibe, she has been in two productions since Precious and is still getting work … ‘cos she can act …


  2. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Biz

    I agree with every one of these. These people have zero talent and nothing, even remotely, to offer to the entertainment industry. I could think of many others to add. This could be a very large list of talentless idiots that have no business in front of a camera, or collecting a paycheck for that matter.


  3. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Sparky

    I’d add Scarlet Johanssen to this list.


  4. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Divinehealings

    I was thinking “Where is Scarlet J. from this list”


  5. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Divinehealings

    Wish I could get by on my looks–lol


  6. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Nightshade

    Scarlett Johansson actually CAN act, though. She did a great job in The Girl With the Pearl Earring, The Other Bolyen Girl, Lost in Translation, and Ghost World, to name a few. The fact that she’s a knockout is just a plus…


  7. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Nightshade

    Scarlett Johansson actually CAN act, though. She did a great job in The Girl With the Pearl Earring, The Other Bolyen Girl, Lost in Translation, and Ghost World, to name a few. The fact that she’s a knockout is just a plus…


  8. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    HaterAde

    Jessica Alba’s ass is quite far from perfect. Unless “perfect” is waifish disgusting anorexic looking wanna-be model eating disorder skinny unshaped. And that picture doesn’t even show a decent view of what little ass she does have. And Jess as a blonde in F4 is nauseating, but she did pull it off nicely in Sin City.


  9. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    TwoSheds

    What about Julia Roberts. She has absolutely no talent whatsoever.


  10. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Tbartranch

    Heather Graham was actually sweet and believable in Swingers, in case you missed that.


  11. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Steverainbow1958

    O she can act…………..sorry i’m thinking of girl witha pearl necklace…………..


  12. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Steverainbow1958

    she can f***ing well EAT


  13. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Foo

    How in heaven’s name did you miss Eliza Dushku?


  14. October 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Kevin

    Pretty accurate list. I will give it up to Heather Graham for From Hell, eventhough she played a Victorian whore. Sharon Stone was great in Casino as well.