9 Actresses Hotter Than Rihanna, Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive

Tuesday, October 11 by

Rose Huntington-Whiteley

I don’t care if she WAS a Victoria’s Secret model. She was in Transformers, which technically (technically) makes her an actress. Michael Bay found her so attractive that he picked her up from a Las Vegas fashion show, drove her out to the desert and offered her the chance to replace the lovely and borderline retarded Megan Fox for the third installment of the critically-acclaimed and seminal action franchise. The fact that Huntington-Whitely can’t act for shit doesn’t preclude her from being an actress. Not with a body like that.

Megan Fox

Speak of the devil. Megan Fox made a name for herself in the first two Transformers films, then sullied that name by appearing in Jennifer’s Body. She is known to have slept with Brian Austin Green and Shia LaBeouf, which is certainly a factor in her not getting the number one spot. She also has lots of tattoos and intimates that she has had bisexual experiences, which would be insanely hot if both those things weren’t so cliché.

However, hot is hot, and despite her best efforts, Fox sits pretty close to the top of the heap.

Sofia Vergara

While Vergara is known for her role as a Al Bundy’s fiery Latina wife on Modern Family, she will also be appearing in the upcoming Three Stooges movie along with Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, and Larry David, where she will appear 17 times hotter than she actually is.

Also, I should note here that breast size is extremely heavily weighted in my considerations, hence Vergara getting the top spot. The fact that she is 34 was also a factor, as it means she can tie her own shoes and everything. It’s pretty hackneyed to compare an older beauty to a fine wine, but f*ck it. Sofia Vergara is like a fine wine. She makes Rihanna look like Thunderbird or Mad Dog 20/20.

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