It’s that time of year again. That’s right, Constitution Day. Have you finished your gift shopping and baked the ceremonial meatballs? At any rate, the Constitution is amazing. It’s just the f*cking coolest document, and we all love it. It’s a shame we can only celebrate it once a year.
However, there are a few dirty scourges who don’t love the Constitution. They don’t uphold its values and they aren’t allowed to have any meatballs. Here they are. Feel free to give them the boos and hisses they deserve.
Dirty Harry defends the Constitution, but he does it his way. The only rule he follows is that bullets come out the small end. His extreme tactics may get results, but they don’t get him any Constitutional brownie points.
We know him best as Spider-Man‘s sweet Uncle Ben, but you might also recognize Cliff Robertson as the President from Escape from L.A. And that guy had zero respect for the Constitution. After being elected to office, he completely rewrites it and adds an amendment proclaiming himself president for life. After that, he goes on to move the capitol and then outlaws everything fun, including tobacco, alcoholic beverages, red meat, firearms, profanity, non-Christian religions, atheism and non-marital sex. And if yo break these laws, you’re forced to move to Los Angeles — a fate normally reserved for aspiring screenwriters and actors.