5 Reasons There Shouldn’t Be An ‘Indiana Jones 5′

Monday, August 22 by
Indiana; Let it go! 

Harrison Ford remains on the press trail to promote Cowboys & Aliens, which means, we’re going to hear more rumors about a fifth Indiana Jones film. Do not want.

Here are five reasons why a fifth installment is a very, very bad idea.

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

Ford has said that he’s more than game for another if the script is there. He’s also been pretty open that cash is the motivating factor here. Why? Doesn’t he have enough that he can afford to try out new roles and take a risk on new franchises? Calista Flockhart can’t possibly be eating him out of house and home. He should take a page out of Indy’s book and realize that greed always leads to demise. In the words of Professer Henry Jones Sr., “Indiana… let it go.”

HIGHLY-UNLIKELY PLOT

Throughout his adventures Indiana Jones has killed approximately 9 million Nazis. Give or take. Don’t you think that the Nazis – a highly-organized and brutal killing force — would seek retribution on the part-time adventurer/college professor? Yes. He’s used to tumbling with assassins, but his guard can’t always be up. You’d just figure that they’d find a way to off him before he reaches old age. He can’t always have a monkey around to taste his food.

PRESERVE THE MEMORY

With each slapdash return to the well, the overall memory of Indiana Jones is sullied. Mention the series to any fan and there will inevitably be some sour grapes. Let us remember Indiana Jones at his best and in his prime, with a whip in one hand and a precious artifact in the other rather than a script rote with hackneyed premises.

THE FRIDGE HAS BEEN NUKED

Yes. Earlier entries in the saga featured faces magically melting, still-beating hearts ripped from chest cavities, and invisible walkways. However, those scenarios didn’t come off as far-fetched. The same can’t be said of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In this entry, Jones rides out a nuclear blast in a refrigerator (everyone knows that discarded fridges are the Devil‘s suffocation boxes), teams up with monkeys, and encounters aliens. Aliens. That’s just too far-fetched, even for the movie series that features an immortal Knight of the Round Table.

SHIA LaBEOUF


Put. Down. The. Hat.

Do you like this story?