5 Possible Premises For Glenn Beck’s New Animated Series

Tuesday, November 15 by

3. Freedom Squad

In what would probably be a topical mini-series, freedom squad would be a group of patriots who travel from town to town, preserving democracy by teargassing Occupy Wall Street demonstrations. All the protestors would be have horns stemmig from their heads, wear filthy dashikis, and fail to exhibit even a child’s grasp of basic economic policy.

Since the show could be animated, whenever the protestors breathe the tear gas, they would immediately start flashing, then instantly decompose into a giant pile of marijuana.

Freedom Squad’s home base would be the basement of a Brook Brothers. And, as an example to children, their only weapons would be their minds and their fully-licensed handguns which they were able to buy at a gun show without the “mandatory” 7-day waiting period.

2. Crazy Squirrels!!!

This program would just be about a ragtag group of squirrels that goes around on various adventures, like the first day of school, or cooking a Mother’s Day breakfast for Mama Squirrel. Also, they would ride skateboards and participate in good-hearted, innocuous mischief. One of the squirrels, “Clint,” would wear a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses and frequently utter the phrase, “Let’s get nuts!” which would either mean that it was time to act crazy or that they had to commence with their daily chore of foraging nuts for their squirrel colony’s sustenance.

There would be no political agenda, overtones, or undertones in Crazy Squirrels!!!

1. Uncle Glenn’s Konservative Kabin

This show would meld live-action and animation in separate segments, like Fat Albert did. Also like Fat Albert, Uncle Glenn would offer up such double-entrendres like “You’re like a typical liberal’s dream society: no class,” and other delightful gems. Further, a six-episode arc would focus on Joshua, a vegan whose diet has made him too weak to play football and be vigilant in reporting suspicious activity in his neighborhood.

Uncle Glenn would constantly remind children that they can use firearms and yelling to get them out of precarious situations. Also, he would explain why beating up a homeless person is bad, but not as bad as beating up a regular person with a job.

The “Konservative Kabin” would be a large house in Laguna Niguel that checks all their landscapers for proper work papers and features a large garage full of cars that don’t have to rely on electricity (the “coward’s energy”) to rescue kids from soccer practice or model U.N. after school.

***UPDATE*** We received word that “GBTV” stands for “Glenn Beck Television” and that since its launch in mid-September, the online station has over 230,000 paying subscribers. Huh. That seems like a lot.

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