5 Possible Premises For Glenn Beck’s New Animated Series

It won't be on during the day, because that's when Americans should be working. With their jobs.  

In case you don’t follow the comings and goings of conservative pundits as closely as I do (and why DON’T you, by the way?) it is my complete pleasure to tell you that Glenn Beck is producing a cartoon for his video website GBTV. As soon as we figure out what GBTV stands for, we’ll update this post. We have a call into his publicist.

All that’s known is that, according to THR, the show will be an “animated comedy series,” co-produced with a firm called Icebox, which was founded by writers who have worked on King of the Hill, 24, and that stalwart of conservative propaganda, The Simpsons.

While the information might be scant at this time, it’s more than enough for us to put together a shortlist of AWESOME premises for a Glenn Beck cartoon. For instance:

5. The Adventures of Hill Billy and His Wife, Shrilly

In this hilarious cartoon, an Arkansas man named Billy simply travels around the world, screwing everything up, like Mr. Magoo, only if Mr. Magoo had a liberal agenda that caused everyone to lose all self-reliance and to line up for government handouts like so many two-bit crackheads. In the second episode, Billy’s ineptitude would get him kidnapped and an elite squad of anti-terrorism experts headed by Black Ops specialist Ronald Dumsfeld frees him, all the while preservin the American way of life.

Hill Billy celebrates by eating a chicken leg, farting, and raising everyone’s taxes.

4. Profilin’ Pete and His Good Time Gang of TSA Employees

This cartoon would largely take place in the realm of an airport security checkpoint. It would be a feel-good show about the men and women that keep us safe from the threats presented by nail clippers and baby formula. There wouldn’t be a premise per se, but the show would incorporate the following aspects:

• Six plus-sized employees in extremely tight polyester pants
• One young man who looks WAY too young to in charge of anyone’s safety
• A never-ending string of hapless travelers who all claim to be “racing to make their flight.” (The fine print on your ticket says get here two hours early, MORON!)
• Bernadette, the evil queen of snow globe-confiscation
• A plotline that insists you can’t be uncomfortable if the person is using the back of their hands to probe your ass crack
• And an undeveloped character whose catch phrase will be, “If you’re not able to prove to me that that’s your diabetes medicine, you’re going to need to dispose of it before you pass through”