It’s hard to believe, but even in a society that’s as sick and depraved as our own, there are still some actresses who refuse to go topless. That’s insane! Using my neighbor’s Wifi connection, I can see countless women getting completely naked and doing awful things to each other, and I get to watch that for free! But just because some “actresses” majored in theater, they’re too good to get topless in movies I’m paying for? That’s insulting not only to me, but to the millions of girls around the world who sell their bodies for money on a daily basis.
Well, the only way to rectify this situation is to identify the worst offenders and shame them into doing the right thing. With that in mind, I’ve complied this list of 30 actresses we’d love to see topless. Hopefully, they’ll stop putting on airs and give the viewing public what they want.
Update: A few people are complaining about Isla Fisher, Lindsay Lohan, Mila Kunis, etc. According to Mr. Skin, they all used body doubles in their films. So please double check before you leave a negative comment.
30. Jenna Fischer
Jennifer Garner has yet to go topless, which is a shame, cause she’s rapidly approaching the point of no return.
28. Jessica Simpson
We’d love to see “actress” Jessica Simpson get topless. The only problem is, we’d rather see it back in 2005. Warm up the time machine.
27. Sandra Bullock
Sandra Bullock is often referred to as “America’s Sweetheart.” Last time I checked, if someone is your “sweetheart,” you get to look at their tits. Let’s see ‘em. Demolition Man didn’t count.
Perhaps Jennifer Love Hewitt has passed her prime. But throw in the nostalgia factor, and she’s still worth a look.
I’ve heard rumors that Cameron Diaz isn’t hot in person (what a coincidence, neither am I). Luckily, I’ll settle for seeing her topless in HD.
(Update: Machete uses a body double) They say an addict can’t begin to recover until they’ve hit rock bottom. Well, nothing says rock bottom like selling your body for money. That’s why we want Lindsay to go topless: because we care.
What a retarded name. But to quote Dave Attel, “those tittes ain’t retarded.” Sorry you can’t see her breasts in this pic, but I guess I’m more of an ass man.
Pout all you want, Blake. At this point, a topless scene is the only thing that can make up for Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Katherine Heigl has a really bad reputation these days, mainly because she likes to trash talk people she’s worked with. But I think a good old-fashioned topless scene would clear the air.
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