14 HOTTEST CHICKS FROM MICHAEL BAY FILMS

Wednesday, June 24 by

All this week, BAYWATCH ’09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM.  Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn’t be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage.  You’re welcome.

By Thomas Anderson

It doesn’t matter how many movies Michael Bay comes out with; you still get the sense that he just might be sitting there behind the camera, sneaking a peek at Megan Fox’s stomach or Scarlet Johansson’s ass (hell, wouldn’t you?). Sometimes you wonder if he cast them simply so he could ogle them from behind the camera and create a few off-camera explosions in his pants, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy: he knows how to populate his worlds with gorgeous bombshells who are strong, independent women who often find the need to remove their clothes to save the world, or maybe just give the hero a little pick-me-up.

In honor of these brave, brave souls, Screen Junkies presents 14 of Michael Bay’s Hottest Chicks from all his films.

 

BAD BOYS and BAD BOYS II

These films perhaps best encompass what Bay is all about: lots and lots of chases and explosions, and curvy gorgeous women as a garnish on top of the million-calorie sundae. 

 

GABRIEL UNION

In the second Bad Boys film she played Will Smith’s girlfriend and Martin Lawrence’s sister, making it extremely difficult to concentrate on the two stars’ banter, the dumb plot, and the inane dialogue, because uh… um… what were we talking about again?

 

THERESA RANDLE

Though she hasn’t been in much since Bad Boys, save for some flopped movies, a few TV shows and Space Jame as Michael Jordan’s wife, she sizzles to this day.  The fact that she played, of all people, Martin Lawrence’s wife, should have tolsd us something about Bay’s commitment to credibility.

 

IVELIN GIRO

Don’t remember her?  She had a cameo as Will Smith’s psychologist in Bad Boys II – a woman who helped Smith overcome emotional issues through the tried and true technique of boning her patient. I think it’s safe to say if Ivelin Giro was able to give therapy to every single person with a problem, we’d have achieved world peace and invented faster-than-light travel by now.

 

THE ROCK

This movie proves an exception to most Bay ventures, because the cast is almost exclusively male, with only a few scenes here and there devoted to the fairer sex.  Not to worry though, because the lack of extraneous females let Bay choose very selectively which chicks would show up in his cartoon action slaughter fest.  And they’re a couple of very fine women indeed.

 

VANESSA MARCIL

 

Back when Nic Cage was still considered an actor and not a punchline, he had Marcil as his girlfriend and mother of his child in The Rock.  She’s since posed for Maxim, FHM, and some other magazines.  She also does the occasional TV cameo and even starred in the failed Sex and the City ripoff, Lipstick Jungle, but she’s got enough star power that we probably haven’t seen the last of her in movies.

 

CLAIRE FORLANI

Her appeal comes from the fact that she looks smart enough to grade your homework, and yet still keep you after class to talk to her about how you can help her raise your grades.  (Yes, a round of Monopoly, for those of you who were wondering.) She only had a couple minutes in The Rock as Sean Connery’s daughter, but it’s arguably a couple of the best minutes in the movie, even if there’s a distinct lack of skin.  We can solve that below.


 

ARMAGEDDON

Similar to The Rock, Armageddon was a testosterone-fuled romp where women seemed to be an inconvenience to getting on with the good stuff of blowing up a bigass rock.  Bay’s choices this time are ratcheted up in beauty and star power even further, but that animal cracker scene still has us cracking up to this day… for all the wrong reasons.

 

LIV TYLER

We didn’t care that she didn’t look a thing like Bruce Willis, a guy who – fine actor that he is – looks like his face was chiseled out of concrete.  Tyler, by contrast, has smooth, elven beauty, a voice that’s whisper-soft, and otherworldly eyes that always seem to ask, "Why not?"  We couldn’t agree more.

 

LAYLA ROBERTS

It’s unclear why a drop dead gorgeous stripper would end up with a guy like Steve Buscemi, whose eyes always seem to be pointing in different directions, but we didn’t care much because we were too busy focusing our eyes on her great big asteroids. In real life, she’s a porn star who posed for Playboy, and you’d be surprised how difficult it is to find a picture of her not naked.  So in the interest of discretion, we’ve placed little South Park Michael Bay explosion icons on the appropriate areas.

 

 

PEARL HARBOR

When faced with the prospect of a movie with no chicks in sight, Michael Bay did the only logical thing; he created a whole bunch of horny-as-sh*t nurses who really, really want to bang the soldiers and seem to only do actual nurse work as a last resort.  Finally he could combine the two things he’d always dreamed of: horrifying exploitative shots of a national tragedy and Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale doing it in a parachute hangar.

 

KATE BECKINSALE

These days she’s best known for the Underworld series (her wardrobe helped), but back in the day, Beckinsale was a serious hottie and one of the more bankable Hollywood stars.  She doesn’t have Liv Tyler;s ethereal air, but straight up hot works just fine at putting asses in seats.

 

JAIME KING

Impressively, Pearl Harbor was only King’s third movie, but she manages to hold her own wamong the rest of the nurse ast and appear convincingly just as desperate for uniformed man ass as the others.  It’s not her fault she’s so hot and sexy and blonde… I mean.. what’s a horny nurse to do?

 

JENNIFER GARNER

Way back before she was a huge superstar trading blows with Ben Affleck and dressing in tight red superhero leather, Garner was a smaller star who played an adorabl nurse with glasses (!!!) in Pearl Harbor.  Do we really need to say anything else?

 

 

THE ISLAND

SCARLET JOHANSSON

Though her role only existed so Ewan McGragor would have someone to do the nasty with (lucky), ScarJo brought her famous innocent eyes and infectious smile to the role, playing up her naivete by a couple of thousdan degrees, which only made her hotter.  She’s got that look that’ knowing, yet at the same time blissfully unaware of her own beauty.

 

SHAWNEE SMITH

So what is it with Steve Buscemi landing all these amazing women in Michael Bay flicks?  Is it the eye thing?  In any case, Shawnee is probably best known for her role in the Saw films, as Jigsaw’s apprentice.  She’s an actress who’s boned Buscemi and ruthlessly murdered people.  Which one is more disturbing?

 

THE TRANSFORMERS FILMS

MEGAN FOX

It’s safe to say that without Bay there would be no Megan Fox, or at least, hardly anyone would recognize her photo-friendly stomach.  Her recent rant in the media about being compared to Angelina Jolie throws her into a bit of a harsher light, but it doesn’t change the fct that her stomach is pretty damn amazing (along with the rest of her).

 

RACHEL TAYLOR

Bay’s form of women’s lib is giving them a gun and telling them to shoot.  In Transformers, that’s exactly what he did with this character.  Nothing wrong with that, of course, but since he was wasting all his time on Optimus Prime saying, "My bad," the the African-American Autobot "Jazz" jive-talkin’ it up, we didn’t get to see much of her.  A shame, because she’s got that classic blonde bombshell thing down pretty darn well. 

WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE "MICHAEL BAY-BE?"

-Thomas Anderson
aka MovieBuzzReviewDude. Check out his movie/media/pop culture blog here.

 

Other Junk You Might Like:

Douchiest Michael Bay Scenes of All Time

Meet Heather Fawcett

Inside Darth Vader’s Mask!

 

 

All this week, BAYWATCH ’09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM.  Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn’t be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage.  You’re welcome.

 

By Thomas Anderson

It doesn’t matter how many movies Michael Bay comes out with; you still get the sense that he just might be sitting there behind the camera, sneaking a peek at Megan Fox’s stomach or Scarlet Johansson’s ass (hell, wouldn’t you?). Sometimes you wonder if he cast them simply so he could ogle them from behind the camera and create a few off-camera explosions in his pants, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy: he knows how to populate his worlds with gorgeous bombshells who are strong, independent women who often find the need to remove their clothes to save the world, or maybe just give the hero a little pick-me-up.

In honor of these brave, brave souls, Screen Junkies presents 14 of Michael Bay’s Hottest Chicks from all his films.

 

BAD BOYS and BAD BOYS II

These films perhaps best encompass what Bay is all about: lots and lots of chases and explosions, and curvy gorgeous women as a cherry garnish to the tasty 10 million calorie sundae. Yummy.

Gabrielle Union

In the second movie she played Will Smith’s girlfriend and Martin Lawrence’s sister, making it extremely difficult to concentrate on their banter, the dumb plot, and the inane dialog., because, uh, well, because uh, um, what were we talking about?

         


Theresa Randle

Though she hasn’t been in much since save for some flopped movies, a few TV shows, and Space Jam as Michael Jordan’s wife, she sizzles to this day, and the fact that she played, of all people, Martin Lawrence’s wife, should have told us something about Michael Bay’s commitment to believability.

 

         

 


Ivelin Giro as Mike’s Police Psychologist

Don’t remember her?  She had a cameo as Will Smith’s psychologist in the second movie, a woman who helped Smith to overcome emotional issues through the tried and true technique of boning her patient.  I think it’s safe to say that if Ivelin Giro was able to give therapy to every single person with a problem, we’d have achieved world peace and invented faster-than-light travel by now.

 

         

 

 


The Rock

This movie proves an exception to most Bay ventures, because the cast is almost exclusively male, with only a few scenes here and there devoted to the fairer sex.  Not to worry, though, because the lack of extraneous females allowed Bay to choose very selectively which chicks would show up in his action-slaughter-fest, and they’re a couple of very fine women indeed.

 

Vanessa Marcil as Carla Pestalozzi

Back when Nicolas Cage was still considered an actor and not a punchline, he had Vanessa Marcil as his girlfriend and mother of his child in The Rock.  She’s since posed for Maxim, FHM, and Really Really Hot Brunettes.  She still does the occasional TV cameo and even starred in the failed Sex and the City rip-off, Lipstick Jungle, but she’s got enough star power that we probably haven’t seen the last of her at the movies.

 

 

         

 

 


Claire Forlani as Jade Angelou

 

Forlani’s appeal comes from the fact that she looks smart enough to grade your homework and yet still keep you after class to talk to you about how you can help her raise your grades. (A monopoly game, for those of you who were wondering.) She only had a couple of minutes in The Rock as Sean Connery’s daughter, but it’s arguably a couple of the best minutes of the movie, even if there’s a distinct lack of skin. Oh well. We can solve that.

 

          

 


Armageddon

Similar to The Rock, Armageddon was a testosterone-fueled romp where women seemed to be an inconvenience to getting on with the good stuff of blowing up some goddamn asteroids.  His choices this time around are ratcheted up in beauty and star power even further, but that animal cracker scene still has us “cracking” up. (Get it!?)

 

Liv Tyler as Grace Stamper

We didn’t care that she didn’t look a thing like Bruce Willis, a guy who, fine actor that he is, looks like his face was chiseled out of concrete.  Tyler, by contrast, has smooth, elven, beauty, a voice that’s whisper-silk soft, and other-worldly eyes that always seem to ask, “Why not?”  We couldn’t agree more.

         

 


Layla Roberts as Molly Mounds

It’s unclear why a drop-dead gorgeous stripper would end up with a guy like Steve Buscemi, whose eyes always seem to be pointing different directions, but we didn’t care much because we were too busy staring at her great big asteroids.  In real life she’s a porn star who’s posed for Playboy, and you’d be surprised how difficult it is to find a picture of her not naked.  So in the interest of discretion, we’ve placed littl South Park Michael Bay Explosion icons on the appropriate areas.

         


Pearl Harbor

When faced with the prospect of a movie with no poon in sight, Michael Bay did the only logical thing: created a whole bunch of horny-as-shit nurses who really really want to bang the soldiers and seem to only do actual nurse work as a last resort.  Finally he could combine two things he’d always dreamed of: horrifying exploitative shots of a national tragedy and Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale doing it in a parachute hangar.

 

Kate Beckinsale as Evelyn

These days she’s best known for the Underworld series (I’m sure her being clothed in form-fitting black leather has little or nothing to do with that), but back in the day Kate Beckinsale was a serious hottie and one of the more bankable Hollywood stars.  She doesn’t have Liv Tyler’s ethereal air, but a straight up hot does just as well.

         

 


Jaime King as Betty

Impressively, Pearl Harbor was only King’s third movie, but she manages to hold her own among the rest of the nurse cast and appear just as desperate for some boys-in-uniform tail as everyone else.  It’s not her fault she’s so hot and sexy and blonde – what’s a poor horny nurse to do?

         

 


Jennifer Garner as Sandra

Way back before she was a huge superstar trading blows with Ben Affleck and dressing in tight red superhero leather, Garner was a smaller star who played an adorably cute nurse with glasses in Pearl Harbor.  Do we really need to say anything more?

         

 


The Island

 

Scarlet Johansson as Jordan Two Delta

Though her role existed mostly just so Ewan McGregor would have someone to do the nasty with (lucky bastard), Scarlet Johansson brought that famous cute, innocent eyes and smile to it, playing up her “innocence” by a couple of thousand degrees, which only made her all the more hotter.  She’s got that look that’ knowing yet at the same time blissfully unaware of her own beauty.

        


Shawnee Smith as Suzie

So what is it with Steve Buscemi landing all these amazing women in Michael Bay movies?  Is it the eye thing?  In any case, Shawnee Smith is probably best known for her role in the Saw films, as Jigsaw’s apprentice.  She’s an actress who’s boned Steve Buscemi and ruthlessly murdered victims. Hard to pick which one disturbs us more.

         

 


Transformers

 

Megan Fox as Mikaela Banes

It’s safe to say that without Bay there would be no Megan Fox, or at least, hardly anybody in the world would know what a photo-friendly stomach she has. Her recent rant in the media about being compared to Angela Jolie throws her into a bit of a harsher light, but it doesn’t change the fact that her stomach is pretty damn amazing (along with the rest of her).

         

 


Rachael Taylor as Maggie Madsen

Bay’s form of women’s liberation is giving them a gun and telling them to shoot, and in Transformers that’s exactly what he did with this character. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but since he was wasting all his time on Optimus Prime saying  “My Bad” and the African-American Autobot jive-talkin’ it up, we didn’t get to see much of her.  A shame, because she’s got that classic blonde beauty look down pat.

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you like this story?

More about...