[caption id="attachment_12399" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="That's it. Play with it...nice and slow."]


Everyone knows that the Golden Globes are a joke, so why not have some joke quotes to go with them? Here are ten truthful celebrity reactions we'd like to have seen.

While I’m honored to be nominated for best actress in a comedy, there’s nothing funny about a film with a $100 million budget taking in only $16.5 million in its opening weekend.
-Angelina Jolie, The Tourist

I’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for recognizing the importance of a film that allows hipsters to experience the plot of “How I Met Your Mother” without having to subject themselves to network TV.
-Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine

Who thinks I’m Michael Cera now, bitch? Scott Pilgrim vs. my dick!
-Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

I'm nominated for Alice too? Quit yankin' my c*ck, buddy. Nobody would pay for that nomination.
-Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland

I’m honored, but I’m no hero. I’m just a guy who got Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis to go at it on film. Wait a minute...come to think of it I am a goddamn hero!
-Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan

I’d like to thank my talented writing staff. Without them, none of this would have ever been possible. Ha, just kidding!

-Frank Darabont, “The Walking Dead”

Who’d I have to sleep with to get a nomination? No, seriously. My agent told me I’d have to sleep with someone.

-Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice

Oh, good for meeeeeeee!

-Christian Bale, The Fighter

Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to! If someone takes a spill it's me and-- (line "disconnected")
-Chris Colfer, “Glee”

It's an honor just to be nominated. We weren't nominated? Screw this, let's go score some coke. Yo drive. Cause I said so, you fat f#$%!
-Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men"