10 PORN CHICKS WHO SHOULD GO MAINSTREAM

Tuesday, April 7 by

On April 30th, Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience becomes available On Demand, and then in limited theatrical release on May 22nd.  WATCH THE TRAILER HERE.  The film stars adult film actress Sasha Grey, and is her first experience working in the mainstream.  We at Screen Junkies thought to ourselves that if Sasha can act in a mainstream feature film, then there are some other porn starlets out there who’d have a place in the broader market as well.  Without further ado, here they are.

 

BRIANA BANKS

         

Briana Banks‘ career took off when she changed her name from "Mirage" and had a boob job.  Her first appearance as the Briana we’ve come to know was in Decadent Whores 9.  Any actress understands the slim odds of being brought into a storied franchise as a key player – let alone the 9th installment.  So it’s a testament to her acting prowess that she landed the gig.  And if you overlook the fact that you can buy a mold of her vagina at adult book shops, you might let her win you over with her cute, Midwestern looks.  We think she’d do well as the female lead in romantic comedies. 

 

JENAVEVE JOLIE

          

Jenaveve has beein in over 250 adult films, and has also appeared on Howard Stern on Demand.  She said that she did not have any friends in high school because "nobody liked her" and also because "She would hook up with her friends boyfriends", she now has no friends except for her pornstar friends who aren’t successful as well.  That takes a certain ballsiness, and when we think of tough, we think of Michele Rodriguez.  Also, both Jolie and Rodriguez have gotten it on with girls.  Perfect for upping your indie  cred.  We’d like to see Jenaveve in a low-budget drama about the struggle to rise above your means.

 

CATALINA CRUZ

         

Spicy.  Saucy.  Latina.  If Catalina can pull off a convincing Spanish accent and traipse around the streets of Barcelona talking about life, love, food and how men are pigs, then indie darling Pedro Almodóvar has a spot in his next flick for you.  You and Penelope can play sisters and they can save money by only having to print your surnames once.  In this economy, every cutback helps.  (And the ability to do foreign films is a bigger asset than the two on Catalina’s chest.) 

 

JESSE JANE

         

In January 2007, an article in the New York Times stated that Jesse Jane intended to have her breast enhancement surgery re-done in an effort to enhance their appearance for high-definition movies.  Now that’s commitment to her roles, and reminds us of Renee Zellweger gaining and losing and gaining for Bridget Jones.  Yes, quirky neurotic lead in a British rom com it is, for Jesse Jane.

 

KAYDEN KROSS

         

Kayden Kross has described herself in high school as "the book nerd".  In September 2008, Kross was charged with grand theft and violations of the California Civil Code involving contracts for purchases of home equity.  Book nerd and theft makes us think of Winona Ryder, who makes us think of period piece movies.  Kayden, we’ve seen you in corsets that have the boob parts cut out.  Now it’s time to try on the real ones.

 

KIRA KENER

         

Kener has been quoted as saying, "Major stardom hasn’t hit me.  It kind of goes to everyone else BUT me."  She has actually gone so far as to retire from adult films, too.  Sounds a lot like Mickey Rourke before doing The Wrestler, to us.  All she needs is for a defiant, determined director to get behind her and give her a character who’ll rise like a phoenix.  If this character’s name happens to be "Phoenix" and likes to spin around on poles, then so much the better.

 

KRYSTAL STEAL

         

Krystal Steal‘s flaxen hair makes us think of the elves in Lord of the Rings.  Yes, even though Liv Tyler was a brunette elf, we still think of the elves.  If you have a problem with that, go read Ain’t It Cool News, you elitist.  If you don’t have a problem with it, enjoy this poster for the mainstream comic-fantasy we’d like to see Krystal starring in.

 

SAVANNA SAMSON

         

The elder stateswoman of the bunch, Savanna would do well in dramedies, playing the older sister who’s always keeping her siblings in line.  But she never takes a moment… to breathe.  Her on-camera experience spanking younger actresses and holding her breath for long periods of time would be invaluable assets in researching these sorts of roles.  Oh, I just made a none too subtle sex joke.  Tee hee.  I’m 12.

 

 

TEAGAN PRESLEY

         

In 2005 Teagan Presley appeared on the hit HBO show Entourage as a member of the "Pussy Patrol" in Season 2, Episode 9: I Love You Too.  Shortly following this, she announced that she had her breast implants replaced and that she would be auctioning them on Ebay, with 20%of the proceeds going to Susan G. Komen for the Cure.  The remainder of the proceeds were to be used to fund her divorce and custody cases.  She’s a tough cookie who knows her way around the legal system.  And that’s why she’s perfect for a TNT drama.

 

LANNY BARBY

         

Lanny Barby‘s adult film career started off in obscurity, and a brief appearance in World Sex Tour 24: Canada was her first gig.  But with perseverance, she slept her way to stardom (all on-camera, people; she’s not slutty), and has emerged as one of the top adult film stars today.  Her raven-black hair and athletic build makes us think she’d make a pretty darn good Amazonian warrior type with a certain invisible jet and bulletproof wristbands…

 

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COMMENTS

  1. April 7, 2009 3:20 pm

    Anonymous

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  2. April 7, 2009 3:20 pm

    Anonymous

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  6. April 7, 2009 3:20 pm

    Danny

    Who the hell are half these chicks? You should have listed these as the “obscure porn chicks’ list


  7. April 7, 2009 3:20 pm

    Bjorn

    @Danny Seriously? I only saw one I didn’t know. You need to watch more porn, man!