10 Best Boner Movie Scenes

Tuesday, November 23 by

With another Thanksgiving upon us, it’s the perfect time to reflect and take stock of the things for which we are truly grateful. I’m thankful for my friends, my family, and for the fact that Billy Predson, who tormented me all through middle school, recently went to prison for dealing meth. I’m also thankful that my girlfriend won’t mind if I gawk at Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs, which premieres tomorrow.

In the film, Jake Gyllenhaal plays a traveling Viagra salesman whose life of one-night stands is threatened when he falls in love. The filmmakers are probably hoping that the comedic “boner-pill” aspects of the film will cause men to let their guard down and willingly see this obvious chick flick. This inspired me to come up with a list of on-screen erections. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. At least that’s what my editor said in a threatening tone.

Tomcats (2001)
Since you’re supposed to save the best for last, I suppose we should start with the worst. And you can’t get any worse than Tomcats. Staring Jerry O’Connell and Jake Busey, this crapfest received zero stars from film critic Roger Ebert. That probably has something to do with the scene where a man ends up eating a human testicle. Or maybe it’s due to the fact that the entire movie, from start to finish, is dogsh*t. Unfortunately, it does have a memorable scene involving erections, so it makes this list.

The Little Mermaid (1989)
Much like the inside of my pants, finding an erection in a non-porn film is difficult. This is true, unless you’re the type of person who reads way too much into things. If that’s the case, look no further than Disney’s The Little Mermaid. The film has not one, but two possible boner shots, if you’re the type of person who wants to see boners. Considering you’re reading this list, I’ll assume that’s the case. Sicko.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
We said the list was about erections in cinema. We didn’t say they had to be human erections. At any rate, this next scene Tom Green’s Freddy Got Fingered is not safe for work, unless you work at a stud farm or your boss is cool with horse dick. I’m a farmer, daddy!

Caligula (1979)
If it’s erections you’re looking for, there’s no shortage of them in the 1979 film Caligula. However, there is a “shortening” of erections, by way of some brutal castration scenes. At any rate, we’re sure producer Bob Guccione would be proud to see his film on our list… if he wasn’t busy rotting in hell.

Anatomy Of Hell (2005)
If you’ve got porn star Rocco Siffredi in your film, chances are there’s going to be an erection. And his 2005 film, Anatomy of Hell, is no exception. While the film is unique in that it isn’t a porno, it is European, so same difference.

The Brown Bunny (2003)
Ever wanted to see Chloë Sevigny give a blowy? Then The Brown Bunny is the film for you. Of course, you’ll also have to see Vincent Gallo’s erect penis, so it’s definitely a trade off.

Road Trip (2002)
In a classic scene from the not-quite-a-classic film, Road Trip, actor Edmund Lyndeck plays Barry’s Grandpa, an elderly man who recently discovered the wonders of Viagra. However, he’s a little out of practice when it comes to dealing with erections, and he ends up knocking over a figurine. When chastised by his wife, he immediately replies, “What do you want me to do, cut it off?” Well put.

Private Parts (1997)
While attending a film premiere with B-movie star Brittany Fairchild, the actress begins rubbing Howard’s leg, which leads to the inevitable. She later convinces Howard to join her for a bath, but to leave his underwear on so he won’t be “cheating” on his wife. Again, it’s only a matter of time before trouble pops up.

Bruno (2009)
It’s one thing for a film to portray an erection in someone’s pants. It’s quite another to show an actual erect penis. But even this wasn’t enough for Sacha Baron Cohen. Not only did his 2009 film Bruno contain god knows how many cock shots, but one such erection actually had a line in the film. Yep, a talking boner. We’ve come to this.

The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
The exact opposite of Tomcats, The 40 Year Old Virgin manages to deal with vulgar topics without disgusting its audience. That probably has something to do with the fact that people can relate and sympathize with the characters. Then again, being an Internet writer, it’s easy to sympathize with an old virgin. At any rate, watch the boner scene below, and then click on some ads, you ungrateful punk.

COMMENTS

  1. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Ericson19

    ARE YOU KIDDING?! what about anchorman?? They don’t call it the legend of Ron Burgundy for nothing.


  2. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    Aw damn, that’s a good one.


  3. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Dabba33

    Mr Burgundy, you have a Massive erection.

    Oh I do? Its the PLeats


  4. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    guest

    where is anchorman. it is the best boner scene and it is not here


  5. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Meeker

    Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny – Jack Black uses his boner to turn off the lasers in the Rock’n'Roll museum. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfKN-xi7R2U


  6. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    paul

    No Porky’s? C’mon, get with it.


  7. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    So..aside from Caligua and a stupid animated anomaly, you are under the impression that the motion picture industry started in the 21st Century?


  8. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    There are so many missed movies it is pointless to list them all in the comments section..but maybe we should just tell the writer (to use the term loosely) to go back more than 5-6 years next time to do research. Like maybe History of the World Part 1, and The Man with Two Brains


  9. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    I just need to say 2 words, and even the writer of this dumb ass article will say “Holy shit..I really AM a fucking idiot for making a list and not including a movie and scene that is FAR more well known than any of the ones I listed…I mean…I put Freddy Got Fingered on a list and not….Animal House and the ladder scene.”Again…movies WERE made before the internet began.


  10. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    sam

    Where is the boner scene from Anchorman?


  11. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Jens

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysopJVqsVFM&feature=related

    Ritalin kid from smokin aces. /Thread


  12. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Allen

    Wasn’t there a dick shot in “Watchmen”?


  13. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    PaulRuddDudd

    There are 10 spots. If this list was infinity, you guys might not bitch and complain like the internet cliche commenters that you are.


  14. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Oldie but stiffie

    For all you old folk, Skin Deep; John Ritter. Two pork swords dueling it out in fluro glow in the dark condoms!!!


  15. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    raygunnot

    What about “The Cowboy Way”? Woody (get it) Harrelson holds up his hands, the cowboy hat does NOT fall down.


  16. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    watch tv shows online

    “It’s the pleats. It’s actually an optical illusion. It’s the pattern on the pants: It’s not flattering in the crotchal region. I’m actually taking them back right now.”


  17. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    jkio

    Hot blonde in a car wash scene from the movie Cool Hand Luke (1967)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kliy32YWFcU