10 Best Boner Movie Scenes

Tuesday, November 23 by

With another Thanksgiving upon us, it’s the perfect time to reflect and take stock of the things for which we are truly grateful. I’m thankful for my friends, my family, and for the fact that Billy Predson, who tormented me all through middle school, recently went to prison for dealing meth. I’m also thankful that my girlfriend won’t mind if I gawk at Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs, which premieres tomorrow.

In the film, Jake Gyllenhaal plays a traveling Viagra salesman whose life of one-night stands is threatened when he falls in love. The filmmakers are probably hoping that the comedic “boner-pill” aspects of the film will cause men to let their guard down and willingly see this obvious chick flick. This inspired me to come up with a list of on-screen erections. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. At least that’s what my editor said in a threatening tone.

Tomcats (2001)
Since you’re supposed to save the best for last, I suppose we should start with the worst. And you can’t get any worse than Tomcats. Staring Jerry O’Connell and Jake Busey, this crapfest received zero stars from film critic Roger Ebert. That probably has something to do with the scene where a man ends up eating a human testicle. Or maybe it’s due to the fact that the entire movie, from start to finish, is dogsh*t. Unfortunately, it does have a memorable scene involving erections, so it makes this list.

The Little Mermaid (1989)
Much like the inside of my pants, finding an erection in a non-porn film is difficult. This is true, unless you’re the type of person who reads way too much into things. If that’s the case, look no further than Disney’s The Little Mermaid. The film has not one, but two possible boner shots, if you’re the type of person who wants to see boners. Considering you’re reading this list, I’ll assume that’s the case. Sicko.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
We said the list was about erections in cinema. We didn’t say they had to be human erections. At any rate, this next scene Tom Green’s Freddy Got Fingered is not safe for work, unless you work at a stud farm or your boss is cool with horse dick. I’m a farmer, daddy!

Caligula (1979)
If it’s erections you’re looking for, there’s no shortage of them in the 1979 film Caligula. However, there is a “shortening” of erections, by way of some brutal castration scenes. At any rate, we’re sure producer Bob Guccione would be proud to see his film on our list… if he wasn’t busy rotting in hell.

Continue to the next page for explicit sex, an old guy with a boner, and a talking boner. Yes, this is what your life has come to.

COMMENTS

  1. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Ericson19

    ARE YOU KIDDING?! what about anchorman?? They don’t call it the legend of Ron Burgundy for nothing.


  2. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    Aw damn, that’s a good one.


  3. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Dabba33

    Mr Burgundy, you have a Massive erection.

    Oh I do? Its the PLeats


  4. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    guest

    where is anchorman. it is the best boner scene and it is not here


  5. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Meeker

    Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny – Jack Black uses his boner to turn off the lasers in the Rock’n'Roll museum. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfKN-xi7R2U


  6. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    paul

    No Porky’s? C’mon, get with it.


  7. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    So..aside from Caligua and a stupid animated anomaly, you are under the impression that the motion picture industry started in the 21st Century?


  8. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    There are so many missed movies it is pointless to list them all in the comments section..but maybe we should just tell the writer (to use the term loosely) to go back more than 5-6 years next time to do research. Like maybe History of the World Part 1, and The Man with Two Brains


  9. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Anonymous

    I just need to say 2 words, and even the writer of this dumb ass article will say “Holy shit..I really AM a fucking idiot for making a list and not including a movie and scene that is FAR more well known than any of the ones I listed…I mean…I put Freddy Got Fingered on a list and not….Animal House and the ladder scene.”Again…movies WERE made before the internet began.


  10. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    sam

    Where is the boner scene from Anchorman?


  11. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Jens

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysopJVqsVFM&feature=related

    Ritalin kid from smokin aces. /Thread


  12. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Allen

    Wasn’t there a dick shot in “Watchmen”?


  13. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    PaulRuddDudd

    There are 10 spots. If this list was infinity, you guys might not bitch and complain like the internet cliche commenters that you are.


  14. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    Oldie but stiffie

    For all you old folk, Skin Deep; John Ritter. Two pork swords dueling it out in fluro glow in the dark condoms!!!


  15. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    raygunnot

    What about “The Cowboy Way”? Woody (get it) Harrelson holds up his hands, the cowboy hat does NOT fall down.


  16. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    watch tv shows online

    “It’s the pleats. It’s actually an optical illusion. It’s the pattern on the pants: It’s not flattering in the crotchal region. I’m actually taking them back right now.”


  17. November 23, 2010 10:23 am

    jkio

    Hot blonde in a car wash scene from the movie Cool Hand Luke (1967)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kliy32YWFcU