With the state of music being what it is today (I have no idea what that statement means, other than some people probably love today’s music and some hate it), it’s hard not to wonder why musicians, good and bad, can’t get their house in order and simply be more like those great fellas we see in the pictures.

I would give forty-two Black Eyed Peas for one Wyld Stallyns. And unless I’m off-base, I think many Screen Junkies readers would, too. Sure, some of these bands are pretty ridiculous, but look me in the eye and tell me they're not all sixty-two times better and more interesting than Mumford and Sons.

God, I hate Mumford and Sons.

8. Dr. Funke’s 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution – Arrested Development

Sure, they’re misguided corporate whores, but who wouldn’t pay $20 bucks to go see these guys live and witness the train wreck that is Tobias Funke’s onstage banter. I mean, Amy Poehler is a huge fan, and who doesn’t love Amy Poehler?

7. Hey That’s My Bike – Reality Bites

This Ethan Hawke-fronted band certainly has the most indie cred of any band on this list. He did the whole brooding joyless musician thing before even Cobain did it, and I could totally see a generation of Williamsburg hipster fans, even today, calling themselves “Hey That’s My Bike-ers.”

Or Hawke’s Troy Dyer could just be a slightly earlier incarnation of that asshat Jared Leto. Whatevs.

6. Sexual Chocolate – Coming To America

If I had a time machine, I’d go back and lose my virginity to Sexual Chocolate. Then I’d go back starting in the era of Adam and Eve and make sure that everyone else lost their virginity to Sexual Chocolate. We don’t know much about this band, other than the fact that they are fronted by Jackson Heights’ very own Mr. Randy Watson.

It’s hard to imagine a more terrifying “romance” singer than Mr. Watson, but that’s only important if you wanna be superficial and judge on appearances.

Randy Watson, ladies and gentlemen.

5. Citizen Dick – Singles

“Well, I think ‘Touch Me, I’m Dick’ in essence, speaks for itself, you know? I think that, you know, that’s basically what the song is about, you know, I think a lot of people think it’s actually about, you know, ‘My name is Dick, and, you know, you can touch me’, but I think, you know, it can be seen either way.”

Case stated.

4. Wyld Stallyns – Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure/ Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey

What’s not to like? Turn off your thinking caps and enjoy music in the style of Mr. Eddie Van Halen. Sure, they went a little agro with the fretboard work on the guitars, but over time, they would learn restraint. Because if there’s one thing that Bill and Ted have in spades, it’s restraint. Great stuff. Even more than the original lineup, I appreciated the addition of Rufus in the band’s later incarnation. He added an element of mystery. And, of course, their band saved the world.

Be excellent to each other.

3. CB4 – CB4

I don’t care what kind of crazy upbringing you had, but my parents taught me to hold open doors for women, to write thank-you cards after dinner parties, and, when a song called “Sweat from My Balls” comes on, to listen to it.

MC Gusto, Dead Mike, and Stabmaster Arson were actually putting down some pretty interesting stuff in the midst of hip-hop’s second wave in 1992. In any event, it was wayyy better than that “Wackee Dee Is in the House” crap that had claimed the top spot on Weird Warren’s Video Countdown.

2. Crucitfictorious – Friday Night Lights

Sure, in a small town like Dillon, it’s hard to believe that Landry Clarke really has anything to be all that torn up about, but don’t forget: he killed a guy. Have you done anything 15% as emo as that? Nope. You probably wrote a song about that time you burned your lip on your Starbucks, poseur. He’s stuck in Dillon, he keeps running hot and cold with Tara, and he’s a murderer. This guy has some stories to tell. And I remember the girl in the band being pretty cool.

1. Faith + 1 – South Park

Featuring the cool, funky stylings of Token on bass, these guys take over-the-top Christian pageantry to a new level. And, while it’s easy to be skeptical of Cartman at first, that guy will wear you down like Scientology. Perhaps the most charismatic front man on this list, save for MC Gusto.

I would also really like to hear them cover TLC’s “Baby, Baby, Baby” once they switch the words to “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”