Worst Of The Best: The 5 Worst Films Scored By John Williams

Thursday, February 9 by

Stepmom

Brought to you be Kleenex and Hallmark, this Chris Columbus film follows the relationship between a mother and her ex-husband’s fiancée as the mother dies of lymphoma. It’s really, really, really sad, as one could guess. So it succeeds on that front, but none others, as it’s pretty easy to bombard people sentiment as Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts let their guards down and just bawl incessantly.

(cue sad music)

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

It’s exactly the same, only Kevin’s been left in New York this time. That kid just has the worst parents. If I had my druthers, I would throw Catherin O’Hara and John Heard in jail just for PORTRAYING such crappy guardians. That’s how angry I am.

In much the same way that The Hangover Part II was just a tepid retelling of the events of the original, so was Home Alone 2. Even the toy they worked so hard to pimp our (the Talkboy) didn’t seem cool. When a toy in a movie doesn’t seem cool to children, that movie has FAILED.

Also, the presence of Tim Curry takes this film from C- to D. He is just the worst.

The Adventures of Tintin

I’m probably not the first one to suggest Spielberg has been off his game since Munich, but I believe that wholeheartedly, so allow me to reiterate: Spielberg’s films since 2005’s Munich ain’t been so hot.

It’s very apparent right now, as we just saw the releases of War Horse and The Adventures of Tintin, which suggests that if Spielberg can’t make mo-cap non-creepy, what hope is there for Robert Zemeckis. Answer: very little.

Based on a Belgian comic book, Tintin is a little boy reporter who goes around getting all wrapped up in good-natured Belgian mischief. Though reviews have been generally positive, it’s more the opportunity cost here, as both War Horse and Tintin have kept Spielberg from helming grander, better projects during that time.

Oh yeah: John Williams. Williams’ score is actually one of the best things about this film, but that still doesn’t mean it’s very good.

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