Did you even know we had a brother named Dwayne? We do! Dwayne prefers to hang back, out of the spotlight, instead working as a composer on TV shows like Damon’s My Wife and Kids. And he’s a Jehovah’s Witness too! At least, that’s what Wikipedia says. I feel like a bit of a heel finding out the family’s coming and goings through a crowdsourced internet reference tool, but I am not always on the best of terms with some of my siblings.
For instance, after My Wife and Kids was cancelled, Dwayne had to find more work, understandably. I told him that we supported him no matter where he went so long as he stayed a country mile away from that duplicitous son of a bitch Tyler Perry.
Well, what do you think the next piece of news we got from Dwayne was? That’s right. He’s the new musical supervisor for House of Payne. Needless to say, we don’t talk to Dwayne anymore. Damon was nice enough to give him entrée into our world with a job, and Dwayne says “thank you” by defecting like a North Korean pilot.
Someone’s on the family’s “naughty” list this year!
And finally, there’s me. As the de facto “leader” of the Wayans clan, I seem to get tasked with writing the Christmas card year after year. I haven’t had a writing credit to my name since White Chicks, but that’s only if you don’t count these Christmas, excuse me, HOLIDAY cards, which require about five months of research and two months of writing. Seriously. I have so many f*ckin brothers and sisters you wouldn’t believe how much work this is.
I don’t have anything on the horizon right now, but as soon as I get these HOLIDAY cards posted, I’ll probably huddle up with Marlon and shit out some movie about a dog who’s actually a black guy or a black guy that thinks he’s a senator or a giraffe or something.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE WAYANSESES!!!!!