These 6 Movie Characters Will Steal Your Girlfriend

Wednesday, August 24 by

3. Sack Lodge – Wedding Crashers

He (Bradley Cooper) cheated on Rachel McAdams. I’m pretty sure that’s a capital offense in Canada. It’s easy enough to hate this guy if he was faithful, but toss in the fact that he’s not, and he’s a borderline subhuman in a Polo shirt. Don’t let the preppy façade fool you. I’m guessing this guy would do some depraved things to any chick he gets in his grasp. He’s like a non-murdering Patrick Bateman (see below).

Also, you might find out from your girlfriend after the fact why they call him “Sack.” My guess? It’s scrotum-related. There’s a reason you never see him riding a bike in Wedding Crashers.

2. Handsome Rob – The Italian Job

If I caught my imaginary unfaithful girlfriend sleeping with Handsome Rob (Jason Statham), I’d be upset, but I’d also understand. As I would expect my girlfriend to understand and forgive if I slept with some chick named Slutty Victoria.

I mean, look at him. It would be like finding out George Clooney slept with your mom. Who do you get mad at in that situation? Your mom? Nope. George Clooney? You know he treated your mom well.

Like the Clooney situation, you expect that your girlfriend will sleep with Handsome Rob, without him having to do much “stealing.” Then you chalk it up to experience and you move on.

1. Patrick Bateman – American Psycho

If your girlfriend slips up and strays with Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), the Wall Street serial killer from American Psycho, it’s certain that she will wind up with a gaping ax wound in her chest, but not before she gets pinned to the floor with a nail gun.

“Sure, honey. He can be your one free one. Seriously. I won’t be mad.” He will remind her that’s a very nice Chardonnay that she’s not drinking, the drugs will kick in, and she will end up getting killed by him.

Eh. Too harsh. Just keep your girlfriend away from Patrick Bateman. You know what? Keep your girlfriend away from all these guys.

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