The Worst Of The Best: Robert De Niro

Tuesday, March 1 by

Today we examine the worst films of a cinema legend: Robert De Niro.

De Niro is one of the greatest actors of his, or any, generation. As such, he’s been in some of the most cherished films of all time; The Godfather II, Taxi Driver, and Goodfellas, just to name a few. But at the end of the day, his amazing abilities and his stellar reputation haven’t prevented him from starring in some really, really shitty movies. And while it’s true that you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs, there’s really no excuse for shitting all over the frying pan.

OK, maybe that was an awful analogy. But it was better than these awful films deserve.

Analyze That

Analyze This is a severely overrated film. It’s one of several De Niro comedies that relies almost exclusively on the fact that De Niro is the star (Hey, look! It’s Robert De Niro, and he’s being funny! Ha!). That being said, it’s a thousand times better than its sequel, Analyze That.

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle

When asked if he feared films like The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle might taint his legacy, De Niro replied, “I had a good time on Rocky & Bullwinkle.” I’m glad someone did. Zing!

Godsend

If your young son dies, and Robert De Niro approaches you about resurrecting him via cloning, don’t do it. The same goes for Gregory Peck’s character in The Boy’s From Brazil. But if you’re insistent on the whole cloning thing, go with Peck. Sure, you’ll end up raising a boy Hitler, but it will be a lot more entertaining than the kid from Godsend. And to be honest, boy Hitler is a lot more likable.

Righteous Kill

You’d think a movie starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino couldn’t be anything less than a classic. Unfortunately, that’s just not the case. Everyone involved in the production was relying on chemistry or magic far too much. The best actors still need material that isn’t crap.

Hide and Seek

Acting wasn’t really the problem with Hide and Seek. The film simply tried a little to hard to have a shocking ending. The filmmakers should have known that when it comes to pointless twist endings, nobody does it better than M. Night, so there’s no point in trying.

Showtime

Unless you have a time machine that can transport you back to 1984, do not, under any circumstances, decide to make a film with Eddie Murphy.

Flawless

What do you get when you cross Robert De Niro playing a stroke victim with a gay cross-dresser? A really bad movie. And much like taking home a real life tranny, if you took this film home expecting a comedy, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

Meet the Fockers

In Meet the Parents, the fact that the main character’s last name is “Focker” is good for a few laughs. In Meet the Fockers, it’s about the only laugh.

Little Fockers


In Meet the Fockers, the fact that the main character’s last name is “Focker” is about the only funny aspect of the film. In Little Fockers, audiences are too busy getting focked to notice the name gag. Get it? “Focked? I should write screenplays.

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COMMENTS

  1. March 1, 2011 8:44 am

    Chuck

    Showtime has one of the worst endings of a movie ever. I don’t care how good of a cop you are, you can’t put a gun in a video camera’s cassette tray and make it fire when you press record.


  2. March 1, 2011 8:44 am

    TinyDickman

    “I should right screenplays.”

    TinyDickman cannot decided. Was this intentional as it is talking about a play on words?Or was it a typo?

    TINYDICKMAN MUST KNOW NOW


  3. March 1, 2011 8:44 am

    Anonymous

    It was a screw up, and it is fixed now.