The Screen Junkies Spring Movie Preview

Monday, March 26 by
The best film since 'Con-Air'. 

Spring has sprung! That means the birds are chirping, the grass is green, and there’s not a cloud in the sky. So let’s make arrangements to spend our time in a dark theater. Should you choose to escape all that beautiful weather, we’ve got you covered with our preview of the spring movie releases we’re most excited about. By and large, it looks like a pretty entertaining season at the box office. It’s got something for everybody: violence, monsters, Nazis, aliens, superheroes, party girls, evil warlords, nerds, babies, chimpanzees, giant ships, pirates, and Wes Anderson. I think that’s literally something for everybody.

We took the time to comb through these new offerings, and pulled out our favorites. And by the look of things, we won’t encounter any vitamin D for at least three months.

The Hunger Games

Based on the addictive book series, teenagers fight one another and their hormoes in a televised battle to the death. (March 23rd)

The Raid: Redemption

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An elite SWAT team enter the fight of their lives when trapped in a fifteen-story apartment building overflowing with rapists, murderers, thieves, and loiterers. Billed as “the greatest action movie in years.” I assume they’re referring to every movie since Con-Air. (March 23rd)

Goon

Seann William Scott stars as a bouncer turned ice enforcerer when his talent for breaking faces lands him a spot on his hometown hockey team. (March 30th)

Wrath of the Titans

I know that I shouldn’t be excited after Clash of the Titans. But they promise this time things will be different. They promise and there’s a giant lava monster. (March 30th)

Life Happens

The spring’s only non-violent film comes from Breaking Bad’s Krysten Ritter. She stars alongside Kate Bosworth and Rachel Bilson as a party girl trying to get back into the dating game after squeezing out a kid. (March 30th)

Iron Sky

Space Nazis from the moon. (April 4th)

American Reunion

The gang from American Pie is back to examine how life changes when they stick their penises in a variety of places. (April 6th)

Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope

This documentary from director Morgan Spurlock and producer Joss Whedon offers a view of the geek mecca that is Comic-Con through the eyes of four very different super-fans. Perfect for those who want in on the fun, but don’t want to wear a Wookiee costume in the San Diego heat. (April 6th)

ATM

Two dweebs and Alice Eve are trapped overnight in an ATM vestibule by a hooded killer. Make your own judgements from the trailer. And know that I would watch this even if it was Alice Eve using an ATM incident-free for two hours. (April 6th)

Detention

What looks at first to be a quirky, teen rom-com quickly goes off the rails when an axe-killer, a flying saucer, and poorly-timed Heath Ledger jokes suddenly appear. (April 6th)

The Cabin in the Woods

Best Spring Ever for Whedonites continues when The Cabin in the Woods finally escapes from MGM’s vaults. By all accounts, it’s a movie that you just need to shut up and go see. Then shut up again as to not ruin the fun for anyone else. (April 13th)

Bad Ass

Coasting on the audiences built for films like Machete and Hobo With a Shotgun, Danny Trejo stars in this film based upon the Internet phenomenon, “Epic Beard Man.” Also stars Charles S. Dutton, Ron Pearlman, and green screen explosions. (April 13th)

Lockout

When the President’s daughter is held captive during an outer space prison riot, Guy Pearce is the one man extemely sarcastic enough to save her. (April 20th)

Chimpanzee

This documentary follows a young chimpanzee separated from his tribe and adopted by a fully grown male (Andy Serkis). (April 20th)

The Avengers

A mixed bag of Marvel movies have lead up to them — the first superhero team up film, The Avengers. Judging by the trailer, it’s going to be totally awesome even if it makes zero sense. (May 4th)

The Dictator

Sacha Baron Cohen finds yet another way to offend the Middle East. (May 11th)

God Bless America

Bobcat Goldthwait goes behind the camera again with this film about a man who travels the country after being diagnosed with a terminal disease. Oh yeah, he also viciously kills every a-hole he encounters along the way. (May 11th)

Battleship

You’re not curious? You’ve gotta be curious. (May 18th)

Moonrise Kingdom

So many wonderful things in one place. I love this movie without having even seen it, and it makes me love his other films all the more. (May 25th)

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