The Odds On Who Will Play Michael Jackson In His Inevitable Biopic

40/1 Denzel Washington

Now you’re just getting racist, paddypower.com.

40/1 Will.I.Am

Hmm. Not as stupid as many of these choices. Will.I.Am doesn’t look anything like MJ. A Wyclef Jean biopic, maybe. But not MJ. Also, I just realized I have no idea if he can sing or not. I’m guessing no.

40/1 Eddie Murphy

Ugh. No.

50/1 Kenny Wormald

Yeah, the guy from Footloose won’t be playing Michael Jackson. I saw a guy dancing at a bus stop while I was running yesterday. Should we put that guy’s odds at 50/1 because he dances?

50/1 Pharell Williams

As best I know Pharell has never starred in a film. Oh. Wait. He was in a 2009 episode of 90210 as 50% of N.E.R.D. He’s totally qualified to star in any movie ever.

80/1 Kevin Bacon

I could see him feeding wine to children, so that puts Mr. Pancetta closer than most people on this list.

100/1 Channing Tatum

Where’s Corey Feldman? Channing Tatum is like the 2011 equivalent of 1988 Corey Feldman, and the Feld-man dressed like MJ almost as a matter of course.

WE WANT FELDMAN! WE WANT FELDMAN!

100/1 Keanu Reeves

The oddsmakers were clearly just grabbing names from IMDB at this point. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I don’t think that Keanu would be a very good Michael Jackson.

Each name on this list is ridiculous in its own special way. If you have any god-awful suggestions, or actually good ones, toss them in the comments, and I will do my best to respond and tell you why you’re wrong.