As one could have just assumed, news is circulating that a Michael Jackson biopic is in the works, with Jackson’s estate negotiating with Ivan Reitman’s production company over the rights to his life story.
Knowing how the Jackson clan operates, it’s likely that these talks could take a while. But that hasn’t stopped Irish bookmaking firm Paddypower.com from setting odds on who they think will play the once-black entertainer. Of course, the menu of choices that the site presents is batshit insane, with Johnny Depp and Zac Efron the odds-on favorites. Would anyone really bet a dollar to make four that Johnny Depp will play Michael Jackson in the Michael Jackson biopic?
Of course, the site has no idea who will play Jackson, nor does anyone else, so these odds exist solely to screw people out of their money. That said, it’s a pretty slow news day, and I feel like making fun of something, so let’s examine some of the contenders.
I guess they both have long hair. Johnny Depp has a skinny face, and a penchant for burying himself in makeup, but I just see him as too terribly “different” than MJ for this to make any sense. Of course, if there’s a big project on the horizon, it’s always a safe bet to include Depp’s name in the discussions, but not at these odds.
If Tim Burton’s name gets mentioned, these odds flip to ¼.
WHY? Why would Zac Efron even be on this list? Because he’s a living, breathing actor? That’s pretty much the only reason he would be included. Charlie St. Cloud danced in that High School Musical series, but that’s a far cry from playing the King of Pop in a biopic. Also, this seems a good time to bring up that I would love to see any of these adult actors play young, black Michael. Especially if the actor is white. I would love to see Zac in blackface and an afro wig singing “Rockin’ Robin.” I can actually hear NAACP execs snapping pencils as I think about it.
He dances as well as Michael, but he looks absolutely nothing like him. And considering his best acting credit so far is as the DJ in She’s All That, we should probably keep moving.
Or Willow. I don’t really know what the difference is anyway. I mean, the best way to demonstrate the path that a damage adult (Jackson) went down is to portray them with a damaged child actor on the same path (either Smith tot). Will Smith could play Joe Jackson, which sort of makes sense. This choice is my odds-on favorite, but far from my personal fave.
No. Just imagine this for a second. Then stop imagining it because you will laugh too hard and hurt yourself. Well, maybe. It is the new millennium. Excuse me. Willenium.
He was a good fit for Ray. He’s a bad fit for Michael. Can someone please tell this Irish bookie that not all black people look the same?
Personal fave. Right here. I think I could watch Andre 3000 mow the lawn for 120 minutes and be entertained. He can sing, he can dance, he can sort of act, and he looks like a Jackson more than anyone else on this list. Plus, he would probably toss a song or two on the soundtrack, possibly an MJ cover, and that would be amazeballs.
Just Timberlake can sing and dance but is white. Also, he’s big fan of Michael’s, so I doubt that he’ll be eager to take on this role.
Nope. Randy Jackson weighs like 460 pounds, Dawg.