The New ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Cast: Who Would I Eat First To Stay Alive?

Dayana Mendoza, Victoria Gotti (Tie)

I don’t know who Dayana Mendoza is, which just means I haven’t gotten an opportunity to hate her. I really think Gotti would taste like jerky, so what I’d do here is just have them slowly eat each other, while I read The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. Can you believe that I haven’t read anything by Gladwell yet? It’s crazy!

Michael Andretti

Don’t care about this guy. Don’t care when I eat him.

Penn Jillette

Penn would have great meat. He’s an inferior fatty cut, but that meat lends itself really well to marinating and braising. I would slow cook him like shortribs in a red wine sauce. I wouldn’t eat all of him, though. I would set aside some meat and make delicious sliders that also contained meat from Arsenio!