The Most Evil Businesses In Movie History

Tuesday, August 23 by

6. Fox Books – You’ve Got Mail

I know that most of you reading this are enormous You’ve Got Mail fans, so forgive me as I bring the stragglers up to speed. You’ve Got Mail documents the budding online romance between two strangers who find out that they are actually competitors. You see, in the film, Meg Ryan is the proprietor of a very quaint independent bookstore, while Tom Hanks is a horrible, horrible tycoon who runs Fox Books, a megachain bookseller that exists for the sole purpose of forcibly removing the heart from mom-and-pop retailers. He’s more evil than Bernie Madoff.

But in the end the two of them get together, and it’s pretty cute.

5. Globo-Gym – Dodgeball

When Ben Stiller decides to turn on that “ridiculously over-the-top evil guy” persona, how can the firm run by that guy NOT be among the most evil companies in the world. I mean, if you wanna talk scale, I guess taking over an independent gym isn’t tantamount to the holocaust or anything, but Stiller’s White Goodman is limited by his means. I’m sure he would commit evil on a larger scale if he could, but he’s just an owner of some mid-level gyms.

Globo-Gym is the type of company that will buy a gym called Average Joe’s (which, as an aside, is the worst name for a gym ever) and turn it into yet another soul-sucking sterile exercise factory, all to the benefit of the overly-fit mustachioed Goodman.

4. J.T. Marlin – Boiler Room

While the 2000 film just barely preceded the dot-com bust and preceded the real-estate fallout by almost a decade, it was a harbinger of the delusions that would be held by both investment banks and investors during both phenomena. Yeah, they scammed a lot of people out of a lot of money, but I fault the investors for that. If you walk into your stockbrokers office and see Jamie Kennedy walking around, run, don’t walk out of there and close your account. The investors should have known better.

My problem with these company’s evil is more that the partners and traders in J.T. Marlin were the biggest douchenozzles in the history of feminine hygiene products. Those guys were evil on a sinister, Jersey Shore-type level that rivals even Tom Hanks (see above). These guys wouldn’t only steal your money, but they would make a sex tape with your girlfriend and put in on YouTube. A bad firm run by horrible people.

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