While the past few years have presented us with more than a handful of evil real-world businesses, they still pale in comparison to those in film. Sure, Madoff swindled billions out of trusting investors, but he never sent Rob Lowe to shut down a brake pad factory in Ohio. That's a special kind of sick.

This list is meant to focus on the other bad businesses that we've seen in film in the past 25 years or so. You won't find Cyberdyne, Brown & Williamson, Zorg Industries, Weyland-Yutani, Umbrella Corp., Buy 'N Large, and Rekall on this list. Those mega-corporations have had their day in the sun and have been done to death. Let's examine some smaller and less obvious choices.

9. Cobra Kai Dojo – The Karate Kid

Most people think of Cobra Kai as just a collection of Aryan jerks that arbitrarily pick one kid and make his life hell. Which is true, they totally do that.

But bear in mind that Cobra Kai Dojo is also a business, presumably bankrolled by Sensei John Kreese (and possibly by his ponytailed billionaire friend in III). I mean, he’s not running a charity. So not only is someone teaching these kids to make Daniel-San’s life a living hell, but they’re getting paid to do it. Somehow, it seems much more sinister that someone was profiting financially from Daniel-San’s misery.

When Kreese went to the bank to get a small business loan do you think he listed as a bullet point in presented a flowchart that basically read “Just bully the hell out of a random 16 year-old kid =====> Financial Independence!”? I bet you do know.

This revelation also begs the question: Were Sensei Kreese’s motives strictly financial? This whole time, I thought he’d bee teaching his students to lash out at Daniel because of some misguided vendetta against weakness, or maybe some unresolved issues with his own step-dad, but what if he did this every year with a new class of students and a new victim?

It’s not altogether infeasible. And way more evil.

8. OCP (Omni Consumer Products) – RoboCop

As we kick this off, a note to those with the authority to offer government contracts to firms with Globo-, Cyber, or Omni in their name: Please don’t. It doesn’t end well. Go with firms with names like “Frank’s Security,” or “FamilyTime Cyborgs.”

Unfortunately, the fictitious civic leaders of Old Detroit in RoboCop predated this plea. No knowing any better, they outsourced their entire police force to OCP, a giant corporation that gets off to an ignominious start to the task at hand when their law enforcement robot prototype, ED-209, blasts the ever-loving shit out of one of their own board members during a conference room presentation. The project is tabled and they search for cyborgs on a smaller scale.

To make a short story long, OCP Senior President Dick Jones hires a criminal mastermind to kill a cop, thus providing a corpse for their newer cyborg prototype. Jones is one of those businessmen that only exists in the movies. Someone you could never believe anyone is that evil for any company.

Actually, Kurtwood Smith (the aforementioned mastermind) can sum this whole thing up was faster than I can.

Never mind that the plan is very circuitous and wildly impractical. If someone presented me on an investment opportunity that involved cleaning up Detroit, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. It’s also, just sinister. I mean, Dick Jones was a bad guy, but he couldn’t have launched the whole “kill a cop to secure a corpse for the cyborg program” plan without at least some administrative help, which leads one to leads one to believe that this kind of action wasn’t out of the norm of OCP’s daily operations. Can we get a spin-off to see what other sinister projects they had going down?

7. Initech – Office Space

What’s not evil about Initech? They make their employees park miles away from the office, they ask employees to work weekends late on a Friday, and during office parties, there is often a paucity of cake. Is it as bad as Omni Consumer Products (above), who murdered for financial gain? Yes. Yes it is.

At least OCP didn’t take away Milton’s Swingline stapler.

6. Fox Books – You’ve Got Mail

I know that most of you reading this are enormous You’ve Got Mail fans, so forgive me as I bring the stragglers up to speed. You’ve Got Mail documents the budding online romance between two strangers who find out that they are actually competitors. You see, in the film, Meg Ryan is the proprietor of a very quaint independent bookstore, while Tom Hanks is a horrible, horrible tycoon who runs Fox Books, a megachain bookseller that exists for the sole purpose of forcibly removing the heart from mom-and-pop retailers. He’s more evil than Bernie Madoff.

But in the end the two of them get together, and it’s pretty cute.

5. Globo-Gym - Dodgeball

When Ben Stiller decides to turn on that “ridiculously over-the-top evil guy” persona, how can the firm run by that guy NOT be among the most evil companies in the world. I mean, if you wanna talk scale, I guess taking over an independent gym isn’t tantamount to the holocaust or anything, but Stiller’s White Goodman is limited by his means. I’m sure he would commit evil on a larger scale if he could, but he’s just an owner of some mid-level gyms.

Globo-Gym is the type of company that will buy a gym called Average Joe’s (which, as an aside, is the worst name for a gym ever) and turn it into yet another soul-sucking sterile exercise factory, all to the benefit of the overly-fit mustachioed Goodman.

4. J.T. Marlin – Boiler Room

While the 2000 film just barely preceded the dot-com bust and preceded the real-estate fallout by almost a decade, it was a harbinger of the delusions that would be held by both investment banks and investors during both phenomena. Yeah, they scammed a lot of people out of a lot of money, but I fault the investors for that. If you walk into your stockbrokers office and see Jamie Kennedy walking around, run, don’t walk out of there and close your account. The investors should have known better.

My problem with these company’s evil is more that the partners and traders in J.T. Marlin were the biggest douchenozzles in the history of feminine hygiene products. Those guys were evil on a sinister, Jersey Shore-type level that rivals even Tom Hanks (see above). These guys wouldn’t only steal your money, but they would make a sex tape with your girlfriend and put in on YouTube. A bad firm run by horrible people.

3. Mondo Burger – Good Burger

They were going to drive Good Burger out of business with their giant hamburgers! And when Good Burger finally had a leg to stand on due to Ed’s invention of a delicious secret sauce, they tried several times to steal that! Comparisons to Hitler are thrown around a lot these days, but, make no mistake. These guys make Hitler look like Tim Allen (what?).

When Mondo Burger wasn’t able to obtain the burger through clandestine methods, they even bribed Ed, then hired Carmen Elektra to seduce him.  Not cool, Mondo Burger. Further, Mondo Burger is later found to have been dosing their hamburgers with Triampathol. No one knows what Triampathol is, but I’m very comfortable getting outraged at the chemical-ly sounding name.

Shame on you, Mondo Burger. Shame on your eyes.

2. Bendini, Lambert, and Locke – The Firm

This crooked mafia law firm would be much higher on this list, if it wasn’t for the bitchin’ reception that they throw for Tom Cruise in the early scenes of the film. That party had ribs, cornbread, an open bar, and a jazz band, all on top of a tall building in downtown Memphis. I’d be willing to turn a blind eye to the murder of several coworkers if that was a regular occurrence.

However, what I couldn’t turn a blind eye to is a corporation that repeatedly sends a surly, gruff Wilford Brimley to blackmail and coerce me. That’s just a shitty corporate culture.

But, again, they did set Tom Cruise up with a hot girl to bang on the beach.

But then they photographed it and used the pictures to blackmail him.

But they also paid off his student loans and bought him a Mercedes.

This is either the best company to work for, or the worst. I can’t decide.

1. Zalinsky Auto Parts – Tommy Boy

Sure, Ray Zalinsky talks a good game, getting before the cameras and insisting that he “makes car parts for the American working man” because that’s who he is, and that’s who he cares about.


If Ray Zalinsky really cared about about the working man, he wouldn’t have shut down the factory in Sandusky. He’s an opportunist that profits off of the death of Tom Sr.  Zalinsky lays it on Tommy by volunteering, “Truth is, I make car parts for the American working man because I'm a hell of a salesman and he doesn't know any better.”

Friend of the working man my ass!