The 9 Whiniest Characters In Film History

Monday, September 26 by
Oh my God! SHUT UP! 

Often we go to the movies to see characters that are larger-than-life: heroes saving schoolchildren, tremendous dancers, and forbidden loves. But without the sour you can’t appreciate the sweet, so for every larger-than-life character, we get a whiny characters who is much, much smaller-than-life. They piss and moan and can’t seem to get their house in order for more than five minutes. They just keep plugging along, cursing their station and acting like nothing is their fault, bringing down not only the other characters, but the audience as well.

Here are 9 examples.

9. Andrew Largeman – Garden State

What’s amazing about this character is that he’s able to whine using ONLY HIS SULLEN EYES! He doesn’t say much throughout the course of the movie, but every time he opens his mouth, it’s like a magnified combination of Eyore and Snuffleupagus.

Whiniest Line: That actually made me sadder than anything: the fact that I felt so numb.

8. Fredo Corleone – Godfather II

This prodigal son actually had a reason to be whiny. He really, really sucked. Sonny was the muscle who died for the family, Michael was the patriarch, and Thomas Hagen was the brains. Fredo was the dipshit, the G.O.B. of the family, only without the looks or charm. And he let everyone know it, complaining every time he was cut out of a scheme. Of course, he took pains to rectify this, but that resulted in a very unpleasant boat ride for him.

Whiniest Line: It ain’t the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!

7. C-3PO – Star Wars

Ugh. Whoever the genius was who programmed a robot to be a cynical pussy should have been fired a long time ago. If I wanted to feel bad about all my decisions, I’d listen to my conscience. If C-3PO was leading the rebellion, they’d all be on their couches under a chenille throw, watching Dancing with the Stars and complaining about teenagers.

Whiniest Line: I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you. I don’t know what all this trouble is about, but I’m sure it must be your fault.

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