The 9 Highest-Grossing Movies Of All Time (Written Without Help From Wikipedia)

Wednesday, January 18 by

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Wait. Hermione was in this one. She was played by Emma Stone. She was not in Lord of the Rings. That was Alicia Silverstone, who used to be in all those Aerosmith videos. I just thought she was Steven Tyler’s daughter because of Clueless.

Harry Potter films had a global appeal, as the original graphic novels were translated into a lot of different languages. Perhaps as many as 700. But certainly more than 25, I would think. So it’s no wonder that these films all grossed many millions of dollars!

Fans of the franchise came in droves to see this film, only to find that at the end, the Harry Potter saga (SPOILER ALERT!) ended. It marked the end of an era that lasted for around a decade and more than a thousand pages, I would guess.

2. Titanic

This film is about the sinking of the Titanic, an act that helped propagate WWI or possibly II. The ship, which many people think was symbolic, drowned in an ocean when it was en route from one country to another, different country. The ship was sunk by a German U-boat (submarine) helmed by notorious Caption Werner Heiss-Berg. Though the boat was depicted as sinking by natural causes, there’s a reference to the more militaristic theory, when the guy with the telescope, who I am almost positive was called a bowmaster, spots a U-boat, then, assuming (correctly) that it’s being led by the fabled Captain, bellows, “Heiss-berg right ahead!”

But it’s too late. The boat hits an iceberg, which director James Cameron used instead of a torpedo because he thought the film would be less violent that way. And he was right, and the film grossed many, many millions of dollars.

Sadly, it would be Billy Zane’s last movie before he died, hanging himself while masturbating in a Hungarian truck stop.

1. Avatar

And the highest-film of all time, with revenues totaling millions of dollars, is Avatar, the first movie ever made in 3D. Reviews of the film were generally positive, though some people disliked it for various reasons. The film starred Sam Worthington as Legless Joe, an army veteran who lost his legs, but still manages to fight Chris Cooper in avatar form after having sex with Michelle Rodriguez’s hair.

The film was a metaphor for the environment, but they used a real element, Unobtainium, so that people would be able to see real-world parallels. Unobtainium is a very rare element that I recall is only used in prototype fighter jets and the Larry O’Brien trophy for the NBA Championship.

James Cameron lost the Oscar for Best Director to Tom Somethingorother for The King’s Speech, then the next year, James Cameron’s ex-wife, Linda Hamilton, won the award for The Hurt Locker, which starred Russell Crowe Jr. and, again, Taye Diggs.

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