The 9 Greatest Makeshift Movie Weapons

Wednesday, October 19 by

3. Rolled-Up Magazine – The Bourne Franchise

The rolled up magazine is the weapon of choice in the Bourne universe demonstrating just how versatile and talented these killers are. They can kill you with an USWeekly, no problem.

Note, I actually tried hitting my friend with a tightly-rolled magazine (I believe it was a Vanity Fair, if that matters), and it failed to do anything other than just really annoy him. Maybe the European editions have thicker stock or something.

2. Fountain Pen – Goodfellas

Don’t bring up Tommy’s days as a shoeshine boy. Trust me. And if you are going to do it, you best not do it repeatedly after he hints at you to stop. Otherwise, you will get stabbed to the brink of death with a very nice fountain pen.

It would make a good ad for Mont Blanc, no?

Poor Billy Batts gets tossed into the trunk of a car, but they open him up to dispose of the body to find that Billy’s still breathing. So they quickly do him in with a more conventional knife. However the fallout from the pen-stabbing is severe. Billy was a made guy, and when the powers that be find out that Joe Pesci’s Tommy DeVito is responsible, they pop him in the back of the head when he’s supposed to be getting his wings.

1. Bowling Pin – There Will Be Blood

When Eli, the preacher from earlier in the film, comes to meet the now-wealthy Daniel Plainview, hat in hand, offering to sell his family’s land, he’s met with the news that his land has already been drained of oil by Plainview. Adding injury to insult, Plainview chases Eli around the mansion’s bowling alley, catching him and beating him to death with a bowling pin.

It’s my understanding that this is why bowling alleys now won’t let you run down to the end of the lanes and remove bowling pins. They are concerned that they could be used to beat members of your bowling party to death.

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