The 7 Weirdest Beauty Contest Movies

Monday, August 27 by Houlihan Macaco

Marilyn Look alike Contest.jpg

You'd never think that beauty contest movies would be weird. You'd also never think that they would be interesting, aside from a cast full of hotties. The following movies are guaranteed to please any of you guys and gals out there with a taste for either the bizarre or downright zaniness. Here are the seven weirdest beauty contest movies.

"Smile"

There are tons of films with this silly and generic title. The 1975 Michael Ritchie film starring Bruce Dern and Barbara Feldon is the one we're referring to. If you like antics movies with loony characters, then look no further than this satire of American complacency revolving around a statewide beauty contest in Santa Rosa. There's a judge's son who sells naked pictures of the girls to classmates, a contestant who puts Vaseline on her teeth for that extra spark and too many other wackjobs to mention. 

"The Queen"

Drag queens have beauty contests, too. Sabrina (Jack Doroshow) is sometimes known as Jack, except when she's a drag queen. In this 1968 film directed by Frank Simon, Sabrina is the mistress of ceremonies of a national drag queen beauty contest. The flick is filled with hotel conversations about all things queer. Check out the video for some funny cat fight action. 

"Little Miss Sunshine"

Moving on to the 21st century, this 2006 movie, directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, stars a seven year old girl named Olive (Abigail Breslin) who dreams of winning a beauty contest. She and her bizarre family hop in a VW bus to California to help her achieve her goals. Among the family members is a broke self-help success author, a Nietzsche fanatic on a vow of silence, a homosexual Proust expert and a junkie granddad. 

 

"Drop Dead Gorgeous"

Michael Patrick Jann directed this 1999 movie starring Denise Richards, Kirstie Alley and Kirsten Dunst. Amber (Kirsten Dunst) wants to escape her conservative hell hole of a small town by making a name for herself, and winning the beauty pageant is her ticket out of hell. Other contestants have similar stories. Gladys (Kirstie Alley) is a former pageant winner who coaches her daughter Becky (Denise Richards) to become this year's winner. Becky doesn't need her mom's help after she becomes a serial killer who blows away the competition. 

 

"Crowned and Dangerous"

It's kind of suspicious that "Drop Dead Gorgeous" came two years after another beauty contest flick with chicks murdering each other for victory. This made-for-TV movie is based on the true story of a beauty queen who gets killed by a rival contestant and an ex. Another fishy element is that the murderer's mom is overzealous about victory just like Kirstie Alley's character, but in this case, she may have helped in the murder.

"Happy, Texas"

The Little Miss Fresh Squeezed beauty contest is hosted by two con artist prison escapees mistaken for a gay couple who are supposed to host the contest. In this 1999 film directed by Mark Illsley, Harry and Wayne (Jeremy Northam and Steve Zahn) are doing this to keep an eye on a bank owned by a hottie. Luckily, the local sheriff has the hots for Harry, so he has friends in high places when things heat up. 

"Miss Firecracker" 

Here's another charming story from 1989 of a young lady (Holly Hunter) who wants to escape her small hell hole town by winning a beauty pageant. Unfortunately, her family has no faith in her. Among the odd elements is her seamstress who designs clothing for bullfrogs as well as a dead woman who had a pituitary transplant. The organ donor was a monkey, and she had a thick coat of body hair. Miss Firecracker was directed by Thomas Schlamme