The 7 Rules Of Making A Steven Seagal Movie

Monday, December 5 by

Find Some Way to Shoot in a Strip Club

You absolutely must have some of the action take place in a strip club. Even if the plot has him playing a scientist. Stripping must factor in.

Perhaps an informant prefers to meet at Gentlemen’s Clubs, or the villian uses a strip club as a means to launder their dirty murder money. When at a loss, just have his battle with the bad guys spill over into a strip club causing naked girls to flee in all directions.

If setting the action in a strip club isn’t possible for the budget, producers can save some dough by bringing the strippers to the action. He could potentially save a stripper from a drunken thug, or protect a key eyewitness who also happens to be a stripper.

Make the Title As Confusing As Possible

Much like with character names, you need to use utmost care in selecting the film’s title. It is mandatory to include the word “justice,” “law,” or “kill.” This could lead to titles like Urban Justice, Kill Time, and Out for Law. Bonus points if it makes no sense while still sounding vaguely similiar to an actual phrase. For instance in 2003, Seagal made the film Out For A Kill. I assume that’s a play on Out For A Stroll, which is a phrase that people often use. Though I doubt that killers would ever leave a note that says they’re going out for a kill, or Gone Killin’.

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