The 7 Rules Of Making A Steven Seagal Movie

Monday, December 5 by

F**k With His Family

The most unlucky characters in any Steven Seagal project are his loved ones. If there’s one thing that Logan Logan hates, it’s when the innocent are terrorized. His close friends and family members constantly find themselves becoming the subject of assassination attempts, drive-by shootings (which he always saves them from by tackling them at the last possible second), and kidnappings.

The general rule of thumb is that if you’re a bad guy and you mess with Logan Logan’s family as a way of making him suffer, you’ll likely find yourself thrown off a building where you’ll end up getting impaled on an electric fence post, the current of which is so strong that your eyes will melt.

Team Him With A Tough Black Guy

Being effortlessly cool means being able to walk with all circles. Often times, doughy, ruddy-faced 60-year old white men have a hard time fitting in with tough-as-nails urban characters. This is not the case for Logan Logan. Whether he’s taking back the streets with an old army buddy or teaming up with reformed gang members, he’s proven time and time again that he can talk the talk and bump fists as well as pound faces.

Shoot the Fight Scenes In Close-ups

Trust me. There’s nothing imposing about a wide-shot of Seagal slap-fighting with an opponent who could easily lift him over their head. It’s best to punch in for a close-up while the fancy handwork happens off-camera. Then cut to the opponent lying on the ground.

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