The 6 Least Chivalrous Movie Knights

Thursday, September 27 by Frost

 Knights

Just because you and your horsey have matching outfits doesn't mean you instantly get to be a knight. With the six least chivalrous movie knights you get to see what happens when knights stray with the bad, the mediocre, and the jerkish of the sword-carrying world.

 

Jamal Walker, “Black Knight”

 Black Knight

The code of chivalry is much like muscle memory as the longer you live with it, the deeper it becomes ingrained. So it’s hard to fault Walker for wanting to use the past as one long medieval booty call. Thrown back in time from his job at a castle theme park employee, Walker pretends to be a knight and then goes all revolution happy, eventually becoming a better man and perhaps a halfway decent knight. His lack of chivalry is apparent as he introduces the king’s daughter to some loving from the future even as he takes shelter and food from that same king.

 

Lancelot, “First Knight”

 Lancelot

Acting like a love struck puppy is unfortunately not a crime on its own, but Lancelot’s desire for King Arthur’s future bride definitely deserves a solid thwapping with a mace for giving voice to his feelings for Guinnevere. If it had stopped before the marital rites then Lancelot could be forgiven but “First Knight” finds himself falling for the old one-last-kiss-before-you-leave-even-though-I’m-freaking-married trick played by so many damsels in distress. Torn between duty and lust, Lancelot becomes one of the least chivalrous knights, even if King Arthur decides to do a throwaway forgiveness speech from his deathbed.

 

Behmen von Bleibruck, “Season of the Witch”

 Season of the Witch

Whether a crisis of faith or a devotion to justice, Behmen did desert his comrades and his commission as a Teutonic knight, rather than pursue a path towards changing the knighthood internally. His chivalry takes another hard hit when instead of immediately offering to take a possible witch to a faraway monastery where the truth of her existence can be revealed (this used to happen all the time in the 1980's), Behmen and Felson instead offer to do it for the dismissal of their desertion charge. Self-interest is unbecoming for a man of chivalry, but Behman’s rage after what he views as a witch-directed wolf attack almost ends in a scene of calculated murder and that would’ve been the nail in the coffin of Behmen’s honor.

 

Darth Vader, “Star Wars: A New Hope”

 Darth Vader

In the future, Darth Vader makes his son a lefty and oh so subtly lets Luke Skywalker know that he’s smooched his own sister. But for now in “Star Wars: A New Hope” Vader is happily tossing away all remnants of his former past as a Jedi knight by allowing, and even taking shared credit for, the destruction of Alderaan and some serious elder abuse when he sends Obi Wan Kenobi straight to Jedi heaven. Just watch as he goes all Tie Fighter on his own son as the rebels take on the Death Star and you will see a man seriously lacking in chivalry.

 

Adhemar, “A Knight’s Tale”.

 Adhemar

Being a smarmy little backstabbing tattle tale should be sucktastic enough to disqualify Adhemar from being ascribed as chivalrous in “A Knight’s Tale.” However Adhemar isn’t content with being a weasel as he decides that in order to secure the world championship of jousting and the Lady Jocelyn, he must cheat and use illegal weaponry to end the life of the one threat to both his future prizes: William Thatcher.  As Adhemar first meets William, his insulting and condescension show him to be a knight of loose, if any, virtues at all.

 

Raynald de Chatillon, “Kingdom of Heaven”

 Raynald

Until the all out holy war between Home Depot and Lowe’s erupts, slaughtering a trade caravan of merchants just because they’re of a different religion is everything that chivalry stands against. Unfortunately for those dead traders, Chatillon thoroughly disregards any code of conduct that stands in his way of obtaining fame, power, and prestige. Saladin and karma catch up with Chatillon as he gets sent to his maker by sword, with the true punishment being he died without remorse for his terrible ways.