7 Sorta High Points From Last Night’s Oscars

Monday, February 27 by
Collectively, the nation gasped and asked, "Is Ben Stiller standing in a ditch or something?" 

Last night’s Oscars ceremony was hardly a triumphant affair. It consisted of a Catskills comedian emceeing a show made to celebrate largely unpopular films. There were very few moments of interest throughout the program, but since we’re done bitching about the show (we got that out of our system last night), let’s scrounge for the high points in the telecast. Considering how flat the show was, they shouldn’t be too hard to spot.

The Wizard of Oz Focus Group

This bit was a welcome oasis in a desert of Crystaline humor. When they offered the heavy-handed introduction to the skit, I let out a slow audible groan, which was quickly silenced when it became apparent that the troupe tasked with the short were the Christopher Guest players. I’m guessing Parker Posey was in the hospital or something.

Though the skit wasn’t actually that funny by CGP standards, the novelty of seeing these guys gave it a big leg up over the things that came before and after it. Plus, seeing Fred Willard harp on monkeys like some sort of speed freak was almost worth the price of admission all by itself.

Nick Nolte’s Transformation into Rooster Cogburn

One of the best features of Oscar night is your ability to check back in with stars that often manage to stay out of the public eye during their normal lives. For example, Chris Rock. I saw Chris Rock and was surprised by how different he looks. I didn’t see the Ike Turner look coming, so that was a pleasant surprise.

However, Chris Rocks appearance paled in comparison to Nick Nolte’s, who looks like he killed three men on the way to his seat. Also, the slitty little eyes add an element of mystery to a guy who is known to take GHB and just be generally crazy. Crystal’s “mind reading” gimmick fell flat, save for his insight into Nolte’s psyche, which only revealed, “Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.” I was half expecting to see Nolte recreationally gnawing on a dead, intact rabbit, but I guess the camera never caught that part.

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